Wedding days are generally described as the happiest day in a young woman’s life. The question is: which woman?
In the case of Back Door Brides, the bride-to-be is making gigantic mistake tying the knot with her fiancé and she knows it. It seems to be, in fact, her bridesmaids that are having the best time of it all, getting their jollies on with a bevy of handsome and horny groomsmen. Then again, once the bride escapes the clutches of her new hubby and does a bit of consummating by proxy with some of the other boys in attendance, her mood seems to perk right up.
Sam (Harry Reems) and Helen (Barbie Blake) steal away from the reception to get away from the crush of the crowd. After a brief introduction, they are playing suck face on the pool table in the parlor room. What’s most fascinating is the social progression that takes place in porn films. This particular chance meeting went sort of like this:
Sam: Crowded in there, eh?
Helen: Sure is.
*Face in pussy*
As the two get it on, Terry Perry interrupts, though it’s not really interrupting if the two want her to join in for a threesome. Reems porks Brittany while Barbie works over her giant tits. Then the girls engage in 69 with Barbie on top. Reems hits Barbie’s ass in doggie as Barbie licks Brittany’s pussy.
Meanwhile, Keli Richards and Ashley Van Sloan are two other bridesmaids who are burning up from the heat. The most likely explanation, however, is that they are wearing too much chiffon and polyester. And no, it’s not from Ron Jeremy whose efforts to woo the women fail miserably. They escape to the bathroom to cool off and to get away from Ron, but end up in the bedroom instead where the heat gets turned up even further. Keli burrows her way into Ashley’s behind, but gets no further when a drunk Ron Jeremy barges in and makes another play on the girls. They try some half-assed refusals, but they’re too horny to resist or to care at this point. They’ll take a threeway including some anal sex anyway they can get it, which they do.
Flash forward to the outdoor area near the altar. A very young Tom Byron and Marc Wallice are scheming to bed some bridesmaids. Marc, however, also has his eyes on the big prize: Brittany Stryker, the bride. Already soused beyond belief to calm her nerves, Brittany informs the two that the most exciting thing she’s ever seen out of her betrothed is an index finger , knuckle-deep in nostril, prospecting for snot nuggets. Obviously, she can be had for the right price and the right pitch, which the boys deliver. As she says, “She wasn’t born to be wild for nothing.” Tom gets his cock sucked while Marc completes the fingercuff by fucking Brittany from behind in doggie.
Barbie Blake and Terry Perry take pity on the shunned hubby and decide to make him feel better. They want every bit of his cum…merbund, tux and tie removed so they have a better angle to his cock. After double-teaming the newlywed, they lie supine on the couch. In an ironic twist, he jams one index finger each into their sopping, hairy pussies, eclipsing the nasal excavation project as his previous high level of excitement. Not only that, he’s one of the few guys in the film to befoul some chick’s asshole.
After a night of wild passion with everyone but themselves, the married couple awakes to find themselves side-by-side and naked on the couch. It’s high time they consummated their own marriage instead of consummating every other thing within the tri-county area. Once again, the groom (Rick Savage) goes for the tinier of the two holes, fucking his bride in the bum tunnel until they both climax from exhaustion.
BDB is campy and schlocky as are the bulk of classic porn titles. There are bad puns, one-liners and carrying on in mass quantities as you would expect. What you wouldn’t expect is the absence of perhaps the most critical part of the porn flick: the pop shot. The box cover description claims the film is a raunchy wedding celebration you won’t want to miss; the problem is that, in a porn sense, it sort of turns out that way. A porn flick without the pop shot is like a car without an engine – it never really gets started. Unfortunately, as fun as this wedding day romp may be, the lack of visible cumshots leaves this film somewhat wide of the mark.
As always, don’t take our word for it. Watch and decide for yourself.
Stars: Brittany Stryker Dick Rambone Harry Reems Marc Wallice Keli Richards Rick Savage Barbie Blake Terry Perry Ashley Van Sloan Tom Byron Ron Jeremy
Categories: Feature Classic 70’s Gold
Running Time: 85 minutes
Released: 03/1986
Studio Name: Paradise Visuals
Director: Sid Shepard
Directed by Ron Jeremy, The Girls of Cell Block F recounts the experiences of several women upon release from a minimum security prison. Gorgeous, sex-starved jailhouse harlots disrupt the decadent prison, and transform it into a lust-drenched breeding ground for carnal desires. Everyone, from the prisoners to the wicked warden get their orgasmic cravings quenched, while upholding the sacred Law of Lust!
LOS ANGELES — Director 
