Samantha Swallows

Featured Movie: Brides Maids XXX Porn Parody

Brides Maids XXX Porn ParodyThe success of Bridesmaids was bound to inspire a porn parody, and Smash Pictures leapt at the chance with Brides Maids XXX Porn Parody. It’s remarkably faithful to the original with the obvious pornified extras. Annie (Samantha Swallows) spends a disappointing night with Ted (Anthony Rosano), who kicks her out the next morning because he doesn’t want her getting emotionally attached. Besides, he’s also fucking a married woman. Unfortunately for Annie’s ego, that day her best friend Lillian (Sarah Vandella) tells her she’s engaged. She wants Annie to be maid of honor.

Meanwhile, in contrast to the hilariously awful sex that Ted inflicted on Annie during the opening credits, he and the married woman (Katie St. Ives) have a great time. She sucks him like a candy cane, rides him actively, and lets him finger her ass. The way her pale skin reddens from his spanking is tasty. Best of all, he cums on her pussy, pushes it inside with several more thrusts, and then scoops up the load to feed it to her. Katie is barely recognizable with longer, darker hair, but she’s still a little sex bomb. Her petite body and perky tits are in top form and she has a sexy little patch of fur on her mound.

At the engagement party, Annie meets the other bridesmaids. Lillian’s cousin Rita (Kagney Linn Karter) is a desperately unhappy mother of three. Beca (April O’Neil) is a giddy newlywed. Megan (Sasha Knox), Lillian’s future sister-in-law, is a nymphomaniac tomboy. As Megan tells Annie of her recent gangbang-related injury, Lillian and fiancé Dougie (Eric Swiss) sneak off for some quality time. It’s sweeter than the usual porn sex, with Eric taking time to service her with fingers and tongue in between several contortionist-worthy positions.

Annie meets Helen and instantly sees the rich, snooty bridesmaid as her rival — and that’s before she learns that Helen is Ted’s other fuckbuddy. After the party, Annie’s so distracted by mocking Helen that her bad driving gets her pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving. Rhodes (veteran stud Jack Lawrence) is a cute Irish cop who takes a shine to Annie.

If you’ve seen Bridesmaids, then you’ll recall the bridesmaids’ dress fitting disaster. You’ll want to watch even though there’s no fucking, because the toilet humor is still hilarious.

Anxious Annie mixes downers and alcohol, resulting in the bridesmaids being kicked off their flight to Las Vegas for the bachelorette party. While everybody else is marched out, Beca and Rita lag behind to fuck right there at the deserted metal detectors. April O’Neil (Beca) is a favorite of many lesbian porn lovers and you’ll see why here. Beca’s excited to have somebody finally eat her out — something her new husband won’t do — and she’s just as eager to taste her first pussy and toy-fuck Rita.

Meanwhile, Megan shows her gratitude to the air marshal (Bill Bailey) for not shooting Annie. Sasha Knox (Megan) is an underrated performer, never breaking character while delivering the movie’s raunchiest performance. She’s a bigger girl than the others, but she has an earthy sexuality and she swallows.

Once Annie finds out Ted is fucking Helen, she goes ape shit and ends up getting uninvited from the wedding. She tracks down Officer Rhodes, looking to fuck the pain away. Rhodes takes Annie home, where he warms her up with a long tongue bath and fingering. Annie gets him ready orally and then takes a much better ride than she’s probably had in a long time, even getting anally fingered, and she enjoys a nice creamy finish.

Will Annie be reinstated as maid of honor? Will saboteur Helen get her comeuppance? Well, everybody loves a happy ending. Anybody else who might think of spoofing this story has a hard act to follow.

Stars:   Sasha Knox   Sara Vandella   Kagney Linn Karter   April O’Neil   Katie St. Ives   Samantha Swallows   Jay Ashley   Julian St. Jox   Adam Wood   Heidi Mayne   Bill Bailey   Jack Lawrence   Anthony Rosano   Eric Swiss
Categories: New Release   Feature   Adult Humor   Parody   High Definition
Running Time:   150 minutes
Released:   10/2011
Studio Name:   Smash Pictures
Series:   XXX Parody
Director:   Jim Powers

Legends and Starlets 5

As it is with most things, there comes a time in every profession when we all must eventually step aside and let the youth assume control. Depending on the job, of course, the moment at which the torch is passed will vary. For instance, the age of 35 makes you over-the-hill in most professional sports but, by rock and roll standards, you’re still a good 10 years away from your second go-round as a washed up has been on the reunion tour circuit.

That said, anyone who has watched closely the career arcs of The Rolling Stones, Brett Favre or Kim Kardashian understands that there are those who simply refuse to follow correct protocol and bow out when it’s plainly obvious to everyone that they’ve way overstayed their welcome. It is here where stubborn meets driven; where smarts clash with skill set; and where irresistible force meets immovable object.

Directed by the sublime Nica Noelle, the Legends and Starlets series is just like that tug-o-war we just described. It’s the flashpoint where old and new collide, creating both the literal and figurative onscreen friction necessary to make the results astonishing. Granted, we’re not asking buxom MILF goddesses like Julia Ann, Jewels Jade, Rayveness or Raylene to step aside anytime soon, though even if we were, they are certainly not going to go quietly as they prove in the fifth edition of the scorching hot series. These women still have much to offer and much to impart to a new crop of young stars that would be wise to lay back and learn some new tricks or two.

Julia Ann is worried about her office assistant Kasey Chase, especially when she learns this gorgeous young beauty has been dumped by her fiancée. The break up, however, could be a blessing in disguise. Rayveness comforts her son’s girlfriend Lexi Swallow, after the military man gets deployed. But Lexi can’t overcome her anxiety until Rayveness intervenes with a loving – and sensual – massage. Life coach Jewels Jade has been enlisted to help troubled starlet Kaci Starr stop partying. But when the older brunette finds the teen sneaking alcohol, it’s time to show the cute redhead who’s boss. Finally, Natasha Nice is madly in love with older girlfriend Raylene, and their sex life is nothing short of explosive. But there’s a secret they can’t reveal. What could it be?

Nica would kill us, disown us or maybe disown and then kill us were we to spoil her generally well-conceived storylines, so we won’t start now. You’ll just have to tune in to Legends and Starlets 5 to find out what happens. Trust us, you won’t be sorry!

 

Stars:   Julia Ann   Kasey Chase   Samantha Swallows   Raylene   Rayveness   Jewels Jade   Kaci Starr   Natasha Nice

Categories: Lesbian   New Release   All Girl   Mature   High Definition   All Sex

Running Time:   134 minutes

Released:   07/2011

Studio Name:   Mile High Media  Sweetheart Video

Series:   Legends And Starlets

Director:   Nica Noelle

 

Office Encounters

Yesterday, in our blog entry about Peepshow Loops, we discussed possible reasons behind the recent explosion of interest in retro porn. We determined that the less stability we have in our own lives, the more likely we are to immerse ourselves in nostalgia and relive moments where things were happier and more stable. Consider this post sort of an extension of that idea because, of late, adult movie companies and producers have also shown a keen interest in exploring the office romance. Again, the question is: why?

It’s no secret that viewership trends in the fantasy world can be linked directly to what is going on in the real world. And as we all know, the real world right now is concerned with jobs. For those who are unemployed or underemployed in the current economic climate office porn, like retro porn, invokes a sense of nostalgia for those times we were all gainfully punching in and out, and perhaps getting a little randy with that cutie in the cubicle next door. For those of us that still have a tenuous hold on our jobs,  we are spending a lot more time in the office, working later and taking on more responsibility in an attempt to become as indispensible as possible. It’s only natural that more time spent in the office means less time to meet potential pussy outside the workplace, so instead we turn our interests to the possibilities within. When water coolers, conference rooms and copy machines are a regular part of the landscape, they have a tendency to become part of the fantasyscape as well and we begin to dream up all kinds of things we’d like to do on, under, beside, or next to them with our current dream girl.

Released by Wicked Pictures and directed by Brad Armstrong, Office Encounters tackles the subject of office shenanigans head on. Linda (Jessica Drake) and Jim (Rocco Reed) are trying to keep their office affair a secret so they don’t risk breaking company rules. But they’re not the only ones taking part in the occasional afternoon desk clearing session. India Summer is impressed with the night janitor Victor’s (Tommy Gunn) buffed floor and buff body and the two clean the floor with each other. Asa Akira shows stud T.J. Cummings both the town and her playful side while wining and dining the client. And blonde hottie Lexi Stallions closes a deal with Jack Lawrence on a long table in the board room. Unfortunately, they leave a pretty damning paper … er, latex trail, which the boss finds the next day. Secret rendezvous, after hour “meetings”, and closed door sessions are all part of the sexy fun.

Stars:   Jessica Drake Randy Spears Brad Armstrong T.J. Cummings Jack Lawrence Tommy Gunn Johnny Castle Aubrey Addams India Summer Rocco Reed Asa Akira Samantha Swallows Lexi Stallions

Categories: New Release Feature High Definition

Running Time:   102 minutes

Released:   04/2011

Studio Name:   Wicked Pictures

Director:   Brad Armstrong