Classic

Personal Services

May 9, 2011

What could you accomplish in an hour? Well, you might be able to get a new pair of eye glasses. You could take a siesta. You could possibly even complete a dinner at a moderately-priced restaurant. With 100% certainty, however, you could take some time and watch the Cal Vista Classic “Personal Services”.

Clocking in at 59 minutes, this truncated burst of sexual mischief has it all: good looking women, disco bush, John Holmes and a devious little plot with crossing and double-crossing. It’s a great way to while away the time while you’re at the car repair shop or waiting for your quiche to rise.

Poor ol’ Ronnie Forbish (Peter Boil) hasn’t had sex in an extraordinarily long time, when he sees the following ad:

Challenge!

The Queen of Sex

Challenges All Comers

I will take on anyone …

And make him holler AUNT.

Interesting terms.

Call HO – 0 – 0690

Immediately, he thinks it might be his ticket to fulfillment. After arranging a meeting, he arrives on location and meets Connie Krumpert, a gorgeous strumpet who calls herself the Queen of Sex. They small talk, share a drink and then Connie gets down to business. Her sex challenge states that each party agrees to sex-by-the-minute at a rate of $5 per. Whosoever outlasts the other one receives the spoils.

After a five-minute warm-up session consisting of a long blowjob and some pussy eating, the battle begins. The balding, mutton-chopped Ronnie drives his pre-sucked cock into Connie’s lovely hairy bush, but his first round is relatively short-lived. He pulls out and Connie strokes his cock gently, luring the cum onto her abdomen.

Now, it would seem that, on the surface, Connie is using alcohol and foreplay as an unfair advantage, but the fact that Ronnie hasn’t been laid in weeks appears to bode well for him. Besides, a dude that looks like him should probably store up sex with beauties like Connie as a camel would with water because there’s no telling when the chance might come around again. Connie is a beauty for sure, sporting long, flowing trusses of hair, firm abs, perfectly hung tits and a nice ass. Her milky white skin and neatly trimmed pubic mane add the ideal level of nostalgia to the luscious 1970s look that was all the rage at the time and still might be for those of you longing for a return to a much more natural porn star look.

Connie exits the proceedings to do some “girlie things” and comes back for more, but it’s not Connie. It’s her identical twin sister Claire, unbeknownst to Ronnie and all the other men who have taken their bogus challenge. Ronnie thinks nothing of it, popping his nut over and over again after so much time away from the thrill. He loses track of time in the process, forgetting that surrender will cost him big time. It’s tough to fault him, though. Any guy would lose himself and his cock in pussy that hot. Unfortunately, he caves like all the rest, running up a ghastly tab of $375, which in today’s currency is more like a million dollars. While his head is too busy thinking about getting fucked, his other, more logical head has the sneaking suspicion he really got fucked.

Dejected and broke, Ronnie visits the local watering hole to have a drink when he meets a well-hung sailor by the name of B.C. Buzzard (John Holmes). B.C. sports a 14-inch dick (give or take) and can easily get his junk sucked just by pulling it out. The problem is, as he claims, no one, not even drink whore, Cute Ass (Daphne Bliss),will fuck it. Because B.C. has been out at sea for three months, Ronnie suggests a ruse to get back at the Queen of Sex.

Will Ronnie get his money back or will B.C. fall victim to the sisters’ even financial scheme just like all the others? Take a gander at Personal Services and find out. Feel free to watch it from end to end. Your load of laundry is sure to be dry when you are finished.

Stars: Cyndee Summers Amore Pertuti Claire Krumpert Connie Krumpert Daphne Bliss Peter Boll John Holmes

Categories: Classic All Sex 70’s Gold

Running Time: 59 minutes

Released: 01/1975

Studio Name: Cal Vista Classic

Director: Michael Minghia

Featured Star: Vanessa Del Rio

May 4, 2011

The iconic Vanessa Del Rio embodied the male fantasy of the sexy adult film star who does porn because she gets off on it, and plenty of women have admitted that her movies taught them to act upon their sexual desires. Many of you are likely here today because your parents fooled around after watching a Vanessa Del Rio flick.

Born in Harlem to a Puerto Rican mother and a Cuban father, Vanessa was and still is a New York girl. Before her film career, she supported herself as a sometime go-go dancer and Times Square streetwalker, among other things. Vanessa was, in short, a bad-ass long before any of us had the pleasure of getting off on her.

With her luscious lips, bodacious body (she got into bodybuilding and never lost those tits), and insatiable hunger for sex, Vanessa was practically born for porn. She has said that her private sex life back then was even wilder than her movies because there was no camera up her ass and in those days porn was part of a lifestyle, not a business. It was only the AIDS epidemic that made her briefly quit the business in the ’80s, but she came back.

Known as the “anal queen,” Vanessa was also credited with pioneering double penetration in porn, even on her first day as a performer. She filmed for about 120 productions, including loops and feature-length films, during a career that began in the mid ’70s – and is still going strong today, if you count webcam shows for her official website. Aside from her voracious sexual appetites, Vanessa’s claim to fame was being the first Latina porn star. She was also known for her 42DDs and a large clit. It never looked bigger than it did in her must-see “gangbang in hell” scene from “Devil in Miss Jones 3,” one of the most memorably weird and intensely erotic scenes of the ’80s. You might say one of Vanessa’s other claims to fame was a knack for appearing in creative adult movies, the kind we rarely see anymore.

“A Scent of Heather,” released in 1980, is an erotic drama in which two newlyweds on the brink of consummating their marriage discover they are half-siblings. They have to remain married in order to keep the estate in the bride’s family, so they swear secrecy and chastity – at least when it comes to each other. Husband Paul Thomas is finally overcome with lust and has a threeway with two maids, Vanessa and Tracey Adams. You’ll hear Vanessa begging PT to fuck her in the ass and Tracey to kiss her tits. This movie is all about the kind of eroticism that stimulates your brain, something rare in modern porn.

Released after “Animal House,” “Coed Fever” is the college sex comedy that Hollywood couldn’t make. There’s Vanessa on the cover, tongue-kissing a co-star. This remains one of her most popular movies for a reason: it’s truly funny while giving you a raging boner (or lady-boner, as the case may be) and it delivers one cum-inducing sex scene after another. Vanessa has a threeway in the fifth scene with Michael Morrison and a young, very different looking Ron Jeremy, and she gets her kicks with a cock at each end.

Sometimes you just want good meat-and-potatoes smut, and Vanessa was always great at that too. “Tigresses… and Other Man-Eaters” features a scene in which Vanessa plays a seductive businesswoman who lures two horny prospective partners and a secretary into her lair for fucking. There’s a little bit of girl-on-girl, but if you’re interested in seeing many sides of Vanessa then you’ve got to see “Deep Inside Vanessa Del Rio.” She plays with girls and boys alike and the film ends with an orgy. It’s a great place for a generation who didn’t cut their teeth on Vanessa’s porn to start getting to know this pure sexual athlete.

Vanessa’s popularity extended into the mainstream. She was cast as herself in a 1996 episode of “NYPD Blue” (“Head Case” was the name) and had a cameo in the music video for “Get Money” by Junior M.A.F.I.A. featuring Notorious B.I.G. in that same year.

AVN and XRCO have both honored Vanessa as a Hall of Fame member. German art book publisher Taschen released a photo-illustrated biography of her in 2007, titled Vanessa Del Rio: Fifty Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior. It’s still available, even in a swanky collectors’ edition. Of that cheeky title, Vanessa has said that by today’s standards, she thinks her sexual antics don’t seem as extreme. Oh, Vanessa, if only more women could be as “slightly slutty” as you!

Schoolgirl Report 3

May 2, 2011

“What parents find unthinkable” according to the subtitle of the third installment in the Schoolgirl Report series, you might find unfathomable. Vicious scenes of senseless brutality and sexploitation on a hyper-inflated scale await in what originally began as an innocent look at the purported teenage sexual habits in 1970s Germany.

Marketed as actual documentaries of German youth, volumes one and two of what became a sensation internationally recounted the supposed real tales of Teutonic teenage skylarking in flashback form. Interspersed between the stories of delicate young flowers being corrupted by peers and authority figures were man-on-the-street interviews, which gave you glimpses into the direction the prevailing moral winds were blowing among the common folk.

Now, it doesn’t take too long to figure out that the whole she-bang is a put-on and not to be taken too seriously. Adding to the nostalgic feel of the films are long-haired co-eds prancing around in groovy get-ups and bulky underwear, flaunting poofy pubes and tat-less extremities all to Gerd Wilden’s crazy soundtracks that fall somewhere between Austin Powers and Esquivel. But, while the third volume of this seemingly light-hearted trip through time makes use of the same conventions, it takes a rather disturbing turn with its overtly gratuitous portrayals of forcible sex and its rather cringe-inducing fantasy scenarios. To make things even more perturbing, some of the girls don’t seem to fall into that, “I’m really 24, but if I put my hair in pigtails I can pass myself off as borerline illegal” territory. At times you really do wonder how these producers were able to get parents/guardians/adults who should know better to look the other way. Granted, none of it is overzealously graphic, easily falling under the soft-core banner, with feigned penetration and the like, but these are mighty gritty themes to be tossing about in any format, let alone to pass them off as commonplace sexual occurrences in the minds and lives of an underage populous too young to understand the ramifications of such actions.

The film is entirely in German, so it may be easier to gloss over some of scenarios and focus more on the cute young girls and their gorgeous bodies. But while some things are better left unsaid, other things may have been better un-filmed. If you are particularly sensitive to very extreme imagery, whether explicitly on display or, as it is in this case, implied, you might be better off watching the first two films in the series.

Though the producers strayed perhaps a bit too far from their original intent, this series remains one of the all-time titillating relics of the sexploitation era. As always, reserve judgment until after you watch it for yourself. Just don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Stars: Sonja Spitzweg Johannes Buzalski

Categories: Euro Teen Classic International All Sex Schoolgirls 70’s Gold

Running Time: 80 minutes

Released: 03/1972

Studio Name: Impulse

Series: Schoolgirl Report

Director: Ernst Hofbauer Walter Boos

Dear Fanny

April 18, 2011

Some things bear repeating. Blog entries usually do not conform to that line of logic but, in the case of Dear Fanny, from Cal Vista Classic, we’ll make an exception…for two reasons.

First, it’s one of the best films of its day. As we wrote back in January:

“Los Angeles, like many coastal cities, is a melting pot of people and cultures and the one thing that unites it all is sex. Every person in every profession craves sex, but when emotions and feelings get involved it can lead to problems. Often times the individuals with the problems are unable to solve them on their own. Therefore, they need someone to intervene to help generate solutions. That’s where Dear Fanny comes in. Played by Janey Robbins, Dear Fanny is the wisest love guru of them all (even better than Michael Myers), dispensing the best advice on love, marriage, swinging and sex, and her newspaper column is read by more people than any other. This self-titled film offers a behind-the-scenes look at the life and exploits of The Queen of Confessions…[You’ll see] good masturbation action poolside, femdom, pussy eating, doggie fucking, leather, collars, cumshots, maid fucking, voyeurism, forced orgasms, strawberries and eggs in twats, and whipped topping and sprinkles on cocks and pussies. There are threesomes, orgies, fucking in spaghetti, roller skates, tan bodies contrasting with bare white asses, and lots of cumshots onto all kinds of body parts. And as with most classic porn titles, there are TONS of bad one-liners and sight gags. If you’re not paying attention, you may miss them. Dear Fanny is Ron Jeremy in his prime and a barely legal Amber Lynn (credited in the film as Amber Lin). It’s not just one of the best of its day, but a timeless film that all porn fans will love.”

Second, it’s to prove a point. That point is that a rehash of something is best when it’s used as a prop to explain why it’s best not to rehash something. In other words: do what we say and not as we do. In still other words: as much as great porn is worth watching over and over again so too is the process of exploring films you have never seen or read about previously. That’s why, if you really, really love porn, you ought to at least consider a subscription to our incredibly popular SuperPass Channel. For a nominal monthly fee you get unlimited viewing of over 5,000 quality films, including Hi-Definition titles. Dear Fanny is just one of the classic titles you’ll find on the SuperPass channel, but you’ll get access to hundreds of others AND thousands of current titles, in all genres, featuring today’s top porn stars and studios.

If you’re like most of us, you’ve probably been told that there are no guarantees in life. Well, now you can meet the exception to that rule. Join the SuperPass Channel today and watch Dear Fanny. Then check out 4,999 other great titles as often as you want for an entire month.

Sorry to have to tell you twice but, like we said, some things bear repeating.

Stars: Janey Robbins Pamela Jennings Severa Lee Tantala Ray Deidra Hopkins Mimi Danielle Jerry David Ron Jeremy Nikki Randall Amber Lynn Robert Bullock Billy Dee Dino Alexander Melanie Scott Gina Carrera Mindy Rae Nick Random Jay Serling Lois Ayres Richard Bolla Lei Pettite

Categories: Classic All Sex

Running Time: 76 minutes

Released: 01/1985

Studio Name: Cal Vista Classic

Director: Robert McCallum

Back Door Brides

April 12, 2011

Wedding days are generally described as the happiest day in a young woman’s life. The question is: which woman?

In the case of Back Door Brides, the bride-to-be is making gigantic mistake tying the knot with her fiancé and she knows it. It seems to be, in fact, her bridesmaids that are having the best time of it all, getting their jollies on with a bevy of handsome and horny groomsmen. Then again, once the bride escapes the clutches of her new hubby and does a bit of consummating by proxy with some of the other boys in attendance, her mood seems to perk right up.

Sam (Harry Reems) and Helen (Barbie Blake) steal away from the reception to get away from the crush of the crowd. After a brief introduction, they are playing suck face on the pool table in the parlor room. What’s most fascinating is the social progression that takes place in porn films. This particular chance meeting went sort of like this:

Sam: Crowded in there, eh?

Helen: Sure is.

*Face in pussy*

As the two get it on, Terry Perry interrupts, though it’s not really interrupting if the two want her to join in for a threesome. Reems porks Brittany while Barbie works over her giant tits. Then the girls engage in 69 with Barbie on top. Reems hits Barbie’s ass in doggie as Barbie licks Brittany’s pussy.

Meanwhile, Keli Richards and Ashley Van Sloan are two other bridesmaids who are burning up from the heat. The most likely explanation, however, is that they are wearing too much chiffon and polyester. And no, it’s not from Ron Jeremy whose efforts to woo the women fail miserably. They escape to the bathroom to cool off and to get away from Ron, but end up in the bedroom instead where the heat gets turned up even further. Keli burrows her way into Ashley’s behind, but gets no further when a drunk Ron Jeremy barges in and makes another play on the girls. They try some half-assed refusals, but they’re too horny to resist or to care at this point. They’ll take a threeway including some anal sex anyway they can get it, which they do.

Flash forward to the outdoor area near the altar. A very young Tom Byron and Marc Wallice are scheming to bed some bridesmaids. Marc, however, also has his eyes on the big prize: Brittany Stryker, the bride. Already soused beyond belief to calm her nerves, Brittany informs the two that the most exciting thing she’s ever seen out of her betrothed is an index finger , knuckle-deep in nostril, prospecting for snot nuggets. Obviously, she can be had for the right price and the right pitch, which the boys deliver. As she says, “She wasn’t born to be wild for nothing.” Tom gets his cock sucked while Marc completes the fingercuff by fucking Brittany from behind in doggie.

Barbie Blake and Terry Perry take pity on the shunned hubby and decide to make him feel better. They want every bit of his cum…merbund, tux and tie removed so they have a better angle to his cock. After double-teaming the newlywed, they lie supine on the couch. In an ironic twist, he jams one index finger each into their sopping, hairy pussies, eclipsing the nasal excavation project as his previous high level of excitement. Not only that, he’s one of the few guys in the film to befoul some chick’s asshole.

After a night of wild passion with everyone but themselves, the married couple awakes to find themselves side-by-side and naked on the couch. It’s high time they consummated their own marriage instead of consummating every other thing within the tri-county area. Once again, the groom (Rick Savage) goes for the tinier of the two holes, fucking his bride in the bum tunnel until they both climax from exhaustion.

BDB is campy and schlocky as are the bulk of classic porn titles. There are bad puns, one-liners and carrying on in mass quantities as you would expect. What you wouldn’t expect is the absence of perhaps the most critical part of the porn flick: the pop shot. The box cover description claims the film is a raunchy wedding celebration you won’t want to miss; the problem is that, in a porn sense, it sort of turns out that way. A porn flick without the pop shot is like a car without an engine – it never really gets started. Unfortunately, as fun as this wedding day romp may be, the lack of visible cumshots leaves this film somewhat wide of the mark.

As always, don’t take our word for it. Watch and decide for yourself.

Stars: Brittany Stryker Dick Rambone Harry Reems Marc Wallice Keli Richards Rick Savage Barbie Blake Terry Perry Ashley Van Sloan Tom Byron Ron Jeremy

Categories: Feature Classic 70’s Gold

Running Time: 85 minutes

Released: 03/1986

Studio Name: Paradise Visuals

Director: Sid Shepard

Aphrodisiac: The Sexual Secret of Marijuana

April 4, 2011

Maybe at the onset of the 70s, when this documentary was made, the beneficial qualities of the marijuana plant were considered secrets to mainstream America. But to devotees of the feel-good recreational drug, those who understand that glaucoma, blue jeans with holes in the knees and layoffs at Frito-Lay could all be eradicated with legalization, its magical qualities have been known all along.

Released in 1971, Aphrodisiac: The Sexual Secret of Marijuana is a tribute to the plant that has caused more rifts in the political spectrum and more sex at college frat parties than any other in the history of existence. Originally released as a home video free of the sex parts, this particular version of the film is the uncut version. It features testimonials from marijuana users about the sexual benefits of the plant and shows them engaged in the throes of passion. Underlying the action is narration done by the standard golden-throated announcer, similar to those that used to grace those old war-era propaganda films.

While the presentation of facts, cultivation tips, use during wartime, food recipes and so on are true to life, the sex parts are not quite as explicit or as frequent as one might like in a porn film. Sure, it’s full-on nudity and penetration and such, but there are no money shots to be seen at any point. Granted, this isn’t really a porn film; it’s more of a documentary with some explicit sex scenes thrown in for good measure.

That said, a very young John Holmes makes an appearance as a business man who is working late on a presentation. His assistant breaks out the joint to help him focus and the result is a borderline spiritual experience instead of just down and dirty fucking.

Throughout the film, others too make their case why marijuana is so effective as a sexual stimulant. But, they all seem to be done tongue-in-cheek. For instance, while cheating on her husband at a party, a woman raves about the potency of hash while telling the story of how the guy she wanted to bang couldn’t get it up because he was loaded on alcohol.

“It’s the most beautiful sex I ever had,” says another woman. When she and her man toked up and got together her “vagina started burning” and “she wanted to suck him inside her and keep him there forever.” She should know because she’s a fiction writer. Hmmmm. Her conclusion: weed is the “greatest sexual stimulant since the 12-inch penis and a hell of a lot easier to find.”

Another guy claims his honeymoon was a disaster because of the way parents scare the hell out of their kids in regards to sex. The point here was that because female marijuana users were more likely to have premarital sex, his bride-to-be would have had more experience in the sack had she tried it, thus allowing him to penetrate her before 6am the night of the ceremony.

Finally, yet another girl lauds the benefits, saying her first pot helped her relax enough to have her first sex and first black (guy) in the lone interracial scene of the bunch.

ATSSOM is interesting and informative. But it’s not really porn in the classic sense. Still, there is enough nudity, disco bush and young John Holmes to keep your attention during the course of this documentary. If you want to learn some nuggets of weed wisdom today, but you don’t want to sacrifice images of retro pussy, then you’ve come to the right place.

Stars: Fiorello LaGuardia Billy Curtis John Holmes Levi Richards Sandy Dempsey Carol Dempsey Suzanne Fields Maria Aronoff Andy Bellamy Patti Lee Billy Lane Lynn Holmes Harry J. Anslinger

Categories: Classic 70’s Gold All Sex

Running Time: 77 minutes

Released: 02/1971

Studio Name: Impulse

Director: Dennis Van Zak

Christy Canyon Acts Like a Virgin

March 28, 2011

Peter North is a normal guy who wants regular sex from his wife, so he fucks his woman in the morning. During the deed, she goes at his banana something fierce. That’s not a metaphor. She’s literally munching on a Chiquita as they fuck. It appears their sex life has waned and the two are bored with each other in the sack. At the urging of his co-workers, he begins to ponder having an affair.

It’s not much of a stretch to wonder how one goes about doing something like that in Peter’s place of work as it seems people are hooking up all over the place. Take star Christy Canyon for instance. She fingers and grinds her pussy to a solo orgasm on the President’s desk. At that point, Gail Force accidentally interrupts, but Christy invites her to a little tryst full of pussy licking and still more fingering. When Marc Wallice joins in the twosome becomes a threesome, which Peter eventually stumbles upon, but avoids.

The die, however, is cast. Peter is smitten with Christy, and wants desperately to hook up with her. The only problem is that she is the President’s administrative assistant. Besides, there are other babes that would be willing to help him in his quest. That includes tiny-titted Debra Lynn, who enjoys sucking off Peter’s buddy Jack under the desk and blonde sexpot Heather Wayne, who fucks Peter’s other buddy Bill to help him relax for his big presentation.

Peter eventually musters up the courage to go after what he is seeking and Christy obliges. But what is to become of Peter’s family life after he goes through with his plan? Watch Christy Canyon Acts Like a Virgin and find out.

Stars: Christy Canyon Lacey Luv Peter North Gail Force Tony Martino Heather Wayne Dan T. Mann Debra Lynn Marc Wallice

Categories: Classic 80’s Gold Feature

Running Time: 91 minutes

Released: 02/1985

Studio Name: Domain Girls Fuck Cuts Productions