On the Wet Spot with Lisa Sparxxx

As a natural beauty with a craving for cum, Lisa Sparxxx confesses to being a very naughty girl…and we love ’em naughty!  An independent porn star, Lisa started out with her own adult website before transitioning to the world of video. As a result, she’s has a huge fan following, and she loves them all. This self-proclaimed “mattress actress” also loves rough blowjobs and deep penetration scenes. Personally, we love watching her all-natural 36DD tits, no matter what they’re doing!  We were thrilled to be able to pull her out of her bubble bath and help us create another Wet Spot!

You’re making dinner – what are we having?

I love to cook a nice steak and potato with some good veggies.

Your favorite piece of lingerie is:

I love a really sexy bra and panty set..something black and lacy.

I think my best physical feature is:

My eyes for sure….they can pierce your heart.

My favorite physical feature on someone else is:

I like a nice smile and great eyes.

Do you have any sports you follow?  Who are you rooting for?

I love sports…. Vikings (NFL) Lakers (NBA) Yankees (MLB) Galaxy (MLS) Nascar (#88).

The easiest thing you can do to make me happy is:

Give me peace and quiet when I need it. 🙂

Favorite place to vacation is:

I love Hawaii since it’s warm and there is a ton of things to keep you busy.

Last scene I shot was:

A scene for Vivid with Evan Stone (he’s awesome if you didn’t know).

You totally want me to do this to you in bed (because I’m really, really good at it!):

Give you a nice wet blowjob…or back rub your choice. 🙂 [Editor’s Note: can we have both?]

You really want to do this to me in bed (because it turns me on!):

A nice full body rub down….nothing better!


See more of the fabulous Lisa Sparxxx now!

Finger Lickin’ Girlfriends

Finger Lickin' Girlfriends“Finger Lickin’ Girlfriends” is the latest all-girl movie from the increasingly awesome Smash Pictures. With great results, Francesca Le brings a performer’s perspective to the director’s seat. Each scene has a hint of plot, enough to give context, and even the opening chit-chat is sexy.

Francesca Le is a hot cheerleading coach consoling her best cheerleader, Ella Milano, when she finds out Ella has been kissing the other girls and developing a bad reputation. As a good coach, Francesca offers an intriguing form of support. Francesca assures Ella that it’s normal to feel this way, but that some girls might not. Francesca offers to “let” Ella practice kissing with her. She’s careful not to specify that all kisses have to be on the lips, which is good because it’s hot watching Francesca and Ella take turns kissing each other’s nipples and tight bodies. Watching a sexy cheerleading coach and her cute head cheerleader eat out and finger-fuck each other is a fantasy come true.

Carolyn Reese is most beautifully playing with her pleasure zone in a bubble bath when Jessie Andrews barges in looking for some girl called Melissa, but Carolyn isn’t fazed. After calmly explaining that Melissa had to take care of some things, Carolyn says that she has taken care of something too, just now. Carolyn takes the opportunity to educate Jessie on “making yourself feel good” in the bath tub. Jessie is vocal in her appreciation of her older friend’s oral skills, and she’s great at returning the favor. If you like wet sex, don’t miss it.

Karlie Montana, looking like a lanky Katy Perry in pigtails, is having girl time with India Summer, who has set up a game of Twister. While they start the game, India grills Karlie on her sex life. The game is abandoned when India discovers that Karlie is getting no action from either sex. Their kissing is tender and sweet, with dancing tongues. The more experienced India takes the lead in playing with Karlie’s nipples and licking her clit, but Karlie gives back as good as she got. They stroke each other’s pussies side by side and finish up by tribbing atop the Twister board.

In her porn debut, Tiffany Thompson is a virgin with a cheating boyfriend. She visits Raylene, who sagely advises Tiffany to practice sexy moves on her. Never mind that Raylene doesn’t have the same parts as Tiffany’s two-timing dude, because Tiffany would be better off sticking with girls, judging by this. In almost no time, Raylene has Tiffany naked and is licking her pussy. Tiffany pants in pleasure, making her sexy, handful-sized, tan-lined tits rise and fall in a way that’ll make you tingle in your pants. When Tiffany eats out Raylene, there is a very nice P.O.V. shot from Raylene’s perspective, which means that we get this sexy newcomer gazing into the camera as she sucks her first clit. This is one of the more passionate scenes and it should make MILF and teen fans happy.

Poor little bitch girl Sabrina Maree has called Social Services on her parents because they wouldn’t buy her a pony. Sabrina is luckier than she deserves, because her social worker is Kylie Ireland, one of the most gorgeous mature redheads in porn. Kylie isn’t buying Sabrina’s “poor me” act, but since Sabrina likes playing games, Kylie has a fun one for her. It involves telling Kylie what she and her boyfriend do sexually and what she’s done with one of her girlfriends, while Kylie does some of those things to her. Sabrina has big, beautiful tits and a cute little pussy that are very responsive to Kylie’s touch. There’s another hot P.O.V. sequence when Sabrina licks Kylie’s pussy, and they end with some fingering and grinding. This is another great scene and an excellent way to close the movie.

If you’re the kind of porn fan who wants to see more breast play, then you’re in luck. Every scene has at least a little, some more than others, and all of it is stimulating. Even better, there are no toys, just sexy women making each other cum using their bodies. From a studio that is already one of the best, “Finger Lickin’ Girlfriends” raises their game and it would make a great series.

Stars:   Francesca Le Ella Milano Tiffany Thompson Kylie Ireland Raylene Karlie Montana India Summer Carolyn Reese Sabrina Maree Jessie Andrews
Categories: Lesbian Teen All Sex All Girl High Definition
Running Time: 137 minutes
Released:   02/2011
Studio Name:   Smash Pictures
Director:   Francesca Le’

Top Picks for the Weekend 02/03/11

Big Black Dick in my Teen Ass (K-Beech)

Are assholes the same age as the rest of our body parts? How do you know?

As we age, our hair tends to turn gray – one of the primary signs of getting older. When there isn’t any hair to clue in by-standers, lines and wrinkles tend to betray us just as easily. That brings us back to the asshole question. Excluding the off chance that someone’s bum star has a ridge of stray grays running ’round the circumference, all we have to go by is what we see. And what we see is a wrinkly volcanic cleft of fenced in negative space. So, could it be our brown eyes really are more aged than the rest of us? Who knows, but it’s interesting to think about, eh? No, not really, but what is interesting is why we even raised the issue to begin with. Well, whether or not you want to believe that your birthday encompasses all your relevant bodily tissue or the bulk of it is up to you, but what can’t be questioned is that use and abuse of said body parts can lead to pre-mature aging. Such appears to be the case for the women in Big Black Dick in my Teen Ass. The truth is these sluts need to be dumped off in a geriatrics ward. They have sucked, fucked and taken so many huge black cocks into their rears that the permanence of lines and crags around their mouths and the failing elasticity of their butts-eyes is starting to take hold. While that’s great for those of you who appreciate a good sword-swallowing act or spear fishing expedition, it does make the girls look less the part of innocent teen and more the part of experienced slut trying to take years off her complexion through the use of pigtails. It shouldn’t at all dissuade you from enjoying Joachim Kessef brutalize Sabrina, Katya and Xandy in separate scenes using his meat tenderizer. It shouldn’t keep you from reveling in everywhere guy L.T. as he ravages Bobbie Star. And it shouldn’t prevent you from gawking at the one-and-only Sledge Hammer (whose brawn and mutton chops you may recall from Mom’s Baking Brownies) as he takes on Kimberly Kole and Charlie Lexington simultaneously. There are loads of ATMs, DPs, threeways and anal creampies to keep you fully engaged and the K-Beech boys are right on point with this one.

Stars:   Sabrina Sledge Hammer Katja Joachim Kessef L.T. Turner Kimberly Kole Wesley Charlie Lexington Xandy (f) Bobbie Starr

Categories: Anal New Release Big Dick Teen All Sex Black Dicks/White Chicks

Running Time:   126 minutes

Released:   11/2010

Studio Name:   Baby Doll Pictures K-Beech

Phuck Girl #8 (Justin Slayer)

Not that we have time to watch it with all the porn we gotta view, but a few years ago, American Idol devised a “Do Not Sing” list. The purpose was to prevent John “I-Think-I-Have-Talent” Doe and Jill “Maybe-I’ll-Get-The-Hollywood-Golden-Ticket-If-My-Boobs-Are-Hanging-Out-Because-I Obviously-Have-No-Singing-Ability” Doe from warbling through yet another Edwin McCain or Aretha Franklin number. Let’s take this one step further and apply this to porn. We hereby decree that no new female stars shall use the names Lexi, Love, Angel, or Star in any part of their stage name. These monikers have lost all meaning after repeated abuses by girls that turn out to be “has beens” and “never weres”. Now that we’ve got that out of our system, the name Justin Slayer is a “currently is”, racking up film after film of some of the freakiest fucking this side of Freaktonia. Directed by Nat Turnher (newly misspelled Nat Turner), Phuck Girl #8 is an inspired and inspiring collective of big butt beauties taking on Nat’s large black dick in a gonzo format. Take a look at Havana Ginger for starters. Not only does this lovely have some groovy booty, but her areolas are the most insane things you may ever witness. They look like she dipped her tits in pancake batter and fucked on a griddle. Life may be nothing but a funny, funny riddle, but this pint-sized Cuban cutie has a body to die for, though it’s mostly to fuck for. You may recall her from Gag Holes, but if not you can forge some new memories here. Brooke Banner is a smoking hot blonde angel, with an interminable wild streak. Kendra Starr and the appropriately-named Lethal Lipps team up for some 69 action and rim jobbing escapades. And you’ll also get a taste of Kayme Kai and Lexi Brooks (sigh!) Hey, that rhymes! Phuck Girl 8 is phantastic.

Stars:   Havana Ginger Nat Turner Lethal Lipps Kayme Kai Lexi Brooks Brooke Banner Kendra Starr

Categories: New Release Big Dick Interracial Gonzo Black Dicks/White Chicks Big Butt

Running Time:   100 minutes

Released:   12/2010

Studio Name:   Justin Slayer Productions

Series:   Phuck Girl

Director:   Nat TurnHer

MILF and Honey #15 (RodnieVision)

Tradition is important. And before books and paper and blogs, family stories and secrets were passed down generation to generation via word of mouth. It was oral history that sustained us as individuals and as families for hundreds of years. In MILF and Honey #15, the boys over at RodnieVision understand how critical it is to keep traditions alive, which is why they have reverted back to the passing on of history the way it should be: in an oral fashion. These MILFs are showing the precocious young ones all their deep, dark and throaty secrets on a few very lucky stiffs. Whether or not the guys signed waivers agreeing not to divulge their newfound carnal knowledge is unknown, though it would behoove them to shut their cake holes if they wish to continue to reap their rewards. Sophia Lomeli is about to evict Rodney Moore for shooting porn in the apartment he rents. However, Sophia agrees not to tell if he’ll be her bitch. She ends up being his bitch after all. Jynx Maze is scolded by Clare Dames for not wearing attire that is appropriate for the office. It is totally appropriate if you want easily accessible naughty parts. Both chicks take on designated office whore Barry Scott’s bulbous baton. Laynie Summers is a real estate agent who is trying to sell an apartment, but Rodnie’s busy filming sex nearby, which puts off prospective buyers. Laynie pays him a visit to work out a compromise, but she ends up compromising her morals in an S&M scene full of dog leads, leather flails, running mascara, cock-whipped faces and spanking. Amanda Blow exercises her namesake on her beau, Dane Cross, during a backyard romp at twilight. And Rayveness visits Sir Rodney to get a massage. He’s just out of massage training school, but he’s a pro at making her feel good – just not with his hands.

Stars:   Claire Dames Jynx Maze Laynie Summer Rodney Moore Rayveness Barry Scott Dane Cross Sophia Lomeli Amanda Blow

Categories: Anal New Release Interracial All Sex M.I.L.F. Black Dicks/White Chicks

Running Time:   162 minutes

Released:   11/2010

Studio Name:   Rodnievision

Series:   Milf And Honey

Director:   Rodney Moore

Featured Star: Tory Lane

Tory LaneSex bomb Tory Lane is an ultimate porn star with few boundaries and a sheer joy of fucking. No matter if it’s anal, blowbangs, gangbangs, girls, interracial, or just about anything, you can count on Tory having a raging good time, which means you will too, just watching her.

Tory was born in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. A party city was a fitting place of origin for a girl with such a wild streak. She has physical grace from years of ballet training, which both contrasts and complements her inner nasty girl. Tory has a dancer’s body with hot, enhanced 34Ds. To go with that body, she has an aggressive way of pursuing sexual pleasure, whether she’s with a man or a woman, that makes her even sexier. You might say she was built for sex, in both body and mind.

Before she got into porn, Tory worked as a bartender, in an adult bookstore, and as a stripper in Florida. After signing with LA Direct, Tory shot her first adult scenes in 2004. Two of her first were a hot threeway in “Devil’s Playground” (when she was going by Tory Freeland) and a passionate oral and vaginal performance in “Tight Wet Panties.” The latter, being an Elegant Angel release, featured lots of stroke-worthy tease in the titular garments, enough that you’d have a hard time making it through the whole scene without exploding.

In over 600 movies, Tory’s wanton pursuit of pleasure has been her signature. “Clusterfuck 5” is a movie that you owe it to your dick to watch. As a betrayed wife who turns the tables on her cheating husband by making him watch her first gangbang with seven guys, Tory is a force of nature. In the last scene of “Oil Overload 3,” she gives one of her best performances – slutty even by her standards, slick with oil, with lots of titty fucking, anal, and DP. Her fucking in “Oil Overload 3” is so incredible that if you’re only going to watch one Tory scene, this should be it.

A few years ago, Tory briefly took up directing. She helmed seven movies for Mayhem XXX, six currently available in our VOD Theater. “Assploitations 7” was the first, released in December 2006. “Ass Traffic,” from April 2008, was the last. Tory performed in all of them and sometimes showed a softer side, which was a real change of pace. Given that she hasn’t directed since then, we think Tory likes to focus on fucking with abandon.

Even though some porn fans underrate the nastiness of feature sex, you could never accuse Tory of holding back her sexual ferocity in a glamour flick. Tory has been in the top AVN Award winners for two years running, both times in orgies. Last year she was in the sci-fi sex-fest “2040” and this year it was the biker movie “Speed,” both big-budget affairs from Wicked Pictures and director Brad Armstrong.

Of course, if you’re more of a gonzo and all-sex fan, there’s plenty of Tory to be had there. One of her newest releases, “Pretty Sloppy 3” shows how she loves wet, messy lesbian play. She’ll get just as deliciously dirty with big black cocks, as she proves in “What an Asshole,” in which she gets worked up on a pool table with a butt plug and a huge dildo in the ass even before Rico Strong shows up. One of the things her fans love the most is Tory’s dirty talk, and even when she’s doing a tease before a scene she gets you hard with her filthy mouth. In “Double Penetration Tryouts 11,” Tory is far from a newcomer to DP, but watch her try to impress with her skills – and see how she succeeds!

Although she is an underrated performer, Tory has two AVN trophies, last year for Best Group Sex Scene (for “2040”) and in 2009 for Best POV Sex Scene from “Double Vision 2.” We think Tory Lane gives her all with every scene, and if that’s not worthy of your load, we can’t imagine what is.

Titty Sweat Clusterfuck 5 Oil Overload 3 Psycho Love 2 Big Breast Nurses 4

Third Degree to Parody ‘Revenge of the Nerds’

LOS ANGELES—Third Degree Films is teaming up once again with Brian Bangs and Spock Buckton, the perverse minds behind the AVN nominated Official Jersey Shore Parody and Delinquents, to unleash the Official Revenge of the Nerds Parody.

One of the most beloved satires of the 1980s, Revenge of the Nerds chronicled the lives of a group of nerds trying to stop the harassment from a group of bullying jocks. Considered one of the wittiest movies of the genre—and of the decade—Bangs and Buckton are bringing their own spin to the well-known story and adding incredible XXX action and outrageous hijinks.

“There are only a few film properties that beg for a porn parody,” said writer/director Brian Bangs. “Revenge of the Nerds is a perfect example, and we’re excited to be able to put our own ridiculous spin on a cultural, comedic landmark.”

The film stars Spring Doll Tori Black, Lily LaBeau, February Doll Ann Marie Rios, Brooke Lee Adams, Sophia Santi and more. Bangs and Buckton will co-direct with Mike Quasar.

Official Revenge of the Nerds Parody begins shooting in Los Angeles in February.

Couples Bang the Babysitter 4

Just because you start a family doesn’t mean you have to stop having fun. It just means it will be a lot harder to find time to do it. But that’s why the world has babysitters. How and why anyone thinks that teenagers are responsible enough, however, to look after the smallest and most frail of our species is beyond cognition other than the fact that it’s cheap labor.

Having said that, it seems the adults in the Bang the Babysitter series are more in need of some remedial courses on responsibility and perhaps a couple more on morals and ethics. Just for good measure, they ought to study the legal statutes regarding corruption of minors because these dudes and damsels are perilously close to violating some if not all of them.

Kyleigh Ann is sitting for for Dylan Ryder and her husband Lee Stone. She gets the rundown of instructions and is told that both Dylan and her husband will be home after 6, though traffic snarls mean Lee will get home first. When he arrives, she is sleeping on the couch. Her skimpy pink tank and knee high socks and blanket are all that stands between Lee and some serious teen action. Gently moving aside part of the blanket, he follows his nose right towards her ass crack to take a whiff of her orange and lemon, but mostly cherry flavors. Pussy inhalants are known to be a gateway drug and soon he is on to more illicit behavior like whipping out his cock and feeling her up. She wakes and he is embarrassed, but she complements his cock and suddenly his advances continue. And why not? Her blonde pigtails, cute brace-faced smile and scrumptious body are like the siren’s call. When she sits on his lap and lays her naked body back onto his fully clothed one, exposing her smooth slit and natural tits while stroking his cock, you may go completely mad with delight. She plays innocent, but sucks cock like a pro. All good head jobs must come to an end, especially after getting busted by Dylan. Her rage surfaces, but she’s willing to make a compromise, stripping off her top to reveal a massive set of tits. Kyleigh looks so petite and lovely sandwiched between Lee’s huge body and thick cock, and Dylan’s chest berms. Kyleigh sits on Lee’s face while Dylan gets fucked in mish and then the two girls suck his cock in tandem. Kyleigh gets hoisted onto Lee’s dick and split in two in RCG. Her cries are muted with mouthfuls of Dylan’s tits and nipples. Kyleigh then gets her twat turned out in doggie and the two take full frontal cum assaults.

Betina Carter is a brunette Euro-trash chick who seems to think that money grows on trees in America. That’s because she racks up $300 worth of phone bills calling Hungary. Even more astounding is that, when confronted with the bill, the teeny Betina denies it. I suppose there are thousands upon thousands of people with relatives in the Eastern Bloc, right Betina? Uh, no. Devon Lee and her hubby play the “Should we call your parents?” card at which point Betina fesses up. She says she’ll work off the bill, but her current job is already in jeopardy and, if word gets leaked that she’s a long distance call hog, her babysitting career is over. I suppose this irresponsible idiot thinks jobs grow on trees along with money? Thankfully the skimpy halter top/no bra look and short pink shorts Betina is wearing give the couple an idea. Off comes Betina’s top to reveal cute natural tits. When the shorts come down, she’s left in a frilly, zebra-striped pair of panties. Off go the panties and apart come the legs. Devon rubs her hard little clit. Then Betina takes on the meaty cock from her knees and sucks his ball sack, Devon sharing in some of the glory. There is some good threeway action, pussy eating and a cumswap at the end which seals their arrangement that the debt is paid in full.

Lizz Tayler of the hot tits is best friends with Ashley Winters’ daughter and her hubby. She rents out a room at their place, but there are two rules: keep the noise down and no boys. In true teenager form, when you’re told you can’t have something, you want it even more. This leads to a massive attack of horniness. And now that the couple has left for the evening, she is free to touch herself all she wants. The car has barely left the driveway when she strips out of her cutoff jeans and top and whips out a vibrator. Pressing it onto her clit, her young pussy gets super wet, maybe moreso than her nipples which she licks with her own tongue. Did we say two rules? There were actually three. Don’t forget to lock the door was the third which Ashley’s beau remembers to tell her after she has begun her pleasure trip. The sight her frisking her naughty parts is a revelation to him and to Ashley, who just happen to be swingers. With the promise of more money as the impetus, the couple coerces Lizz to plays with herself in front of them. She obliges, showing off her great body and a stunning pair of tits, which the couple shares between them. The women suck his cock, ride him in CG, take it doggie and from the side, and then lap up his cum when he spills it into their mouths.

Last, Zoey Holloway and her beau are going to a party and they have a sitter in Kara Finley, but she’s not feeling too hot because her boyfriend cheated on her. Naturally, she doesn’t want to be alone in such a fragile state, yet Holloway offers nothing as consolation saying all guys cheat at some point. Zoey, however, has found the solution…well, two solutions to the cheating problem actually.

1. If he cheats, kick his ass.
2. Sleep with other people together (i.e. have a threesome).

Kara perks up. She finds the concept interesting, but first she needs to get away from the deplorable living situation with her idiot boyfriend. Holloway offers to let her stay at their place, but she’ll have to pull her weight doing chores as she doesn’t have any money. Older and wiser, Zoey knows there are other ways to pay. This is where the naked happens. The two adults suckle Kara’s adorable little tits, and then Holloway buries her face in Kara’s behind to lick her wet twat. All the while Kara works over a giant cock. Kara gets placed in the 69, left to feed on cock scraps as the husband licks her pussy. At the same time, Zoey tickles Kara’s asshole with her tongue in a smoking hot shot. They take a moment to work over his dick together and then take turns getting poked in mish and doggie. As Kara gets fucked spoon-style, she fondles his cock and Zoey fingers her clit. In the end, he paints their faces with cum.

These adults in Couples Bang the Babysitter 4 may be no more mature than the babysitters , but they’re resourceful, knocking out the fun problem and the babysitter problem all at once. This film will give you many opportunities to show off your multi-tasking skills too. Check it out.

Running Time:   146 minutes
Released:   01/2011
Studio Name:   Lethal Hardcore
Director:   Chucky Sleaze

The Opening of Misty Beethoven

How do you determine whether or not an adult film is successful?

Do you look at objective measurements like raw sales receipts, awards won, or technical merit? Do you place precedent on more subjective arguments like star power or the strength of individual scenes? Or is it a combination of everything?

Not too long ago on this blog you may have caught the entry about Debbie Does Dallas, which, it could be said, is perhaps the most well-known and endearing porn flick ever created. At the time, we used the term “arguably” for a few reasons. First, there are other classics that have endured decades of scrutiny and have burrowed themselves firmly and comfortably into adult film lore. Second, there are too many variables to use the term “best”. Third, when you use equivocation within the context of a discussion you’re less likely to be called an idiot or a moron by readers because you have left the door open for debate instead of declaring yourself the expert.

Having said that, there are many inside and outside the industry who would suggest that The Opening of Misty Beethoven is without question the best adult film ever put to celluloid. The reasoning behind the thinking is that the movie satisfies nearly all the objective and subjective reasons laid out above. But is it an airtight case?

Before you answer that, let’s look at a Hollywood comparison between two films. The first film has one of the hottest names in film as the lead character. The other does not. The first film is rooted historical fact. The other is not. The first film has lush green film sets shot on-location, elaborate costuming, and loads of choreographed scenes . The other does not. The first film won 5 Oscars. The other won zero. So, does that mean the first film, Braveheart, is better than Kung-Fu Panda? Well, not if you were to look at the box office rankings. Braveheart is ranked 411th all time and Kung-Fu Panda 48th. But even those rankings would hold little sway if you hate Scottish heroes more than animated, ursine martial artists or vice-versa. It really comes down to what you like.

The case for TOOMB being the greatest of all-time goes like this:

Awards: Jamie Gillis won for Best Actor, Henry Paris (Radley Metzger) won for Best Director, and the film took home the Best Film award from the Adult Film Association of America. It took home the 2002 AVN Award for Best Classic DVD. And it is one of the first films to be inducted into the XRCO Hall of Fame.

Technical Merit: Cinematographer Robert Rochester took home an Oscar the following year for a documentary.

Star Power: Jamie Gillis, Gloria Leonard and director Radley Metzger comprise a strong cast and crew.

Strength of Scenes: The film stands as the earliest, widely distributed adult film to have a male character get “pegged” or take it up the ass via a strap-on. Add to that a strong plot based loosely on George Bernard Shaw’s play, Pygmalion, competent acting skills and comedic timing, and it makes for great entertainment. Below are a few of the funnier exchanges.

Misty: “Men stink.”

Dr. Love: “They think you stink. In fact, it’s one of the most perfectly balanced equations in nature.”

 

Dr. Love: “Most women stop sucking at the moment of orgasm. That, however, is when the real woman just begins to suck.”

 

Misty: “What’s the biggest difference between New York and Rome?”

Dr. Love: “There aren’t as many Italians in Rome.”

 

Dr. Love: “You know why people have unsatisfactory sexual relations?”

Misty: “No.”

Dr. Love: “They talk too goddam much.”

 

But can you honestly say that makes it the best? Probably not. Can you say it ranks it right up there among the best? Absolutely.

What can’t be argued is the plotline. Dr. Seymour Love (Jamie Gillis) is in search of the next Golden Rod Girl, the invention of one Lawrence Layman (Ras Kean). According to Dr. Love, the award is “unlike Cunt of the Year or Ballbreaker of the Century, because she is chosen informally and spontaneously.”

After he meets a lowly trick-turning whore named Misty in a porn theater, he wagers with his gal pal Geraldine (Jacqueline Beudant) that he can reform her into the most splendid sexual creature the world has ever laid eyes on, but she must “learn to develop in herself the instinct to convert a trivial act, a mundane routine, a daily chore into something stimulating, creative and above all communicative.”

The film proceeds through a musical montage of Misty’s training sessions, the highs, the lows, the inevitable growth of her ability as a sexpot. She practices her blowjobs on plaster penis molds and takes repeated cumshots to the face as part of her learning curve. It very much resembles a XXX intro to The Wonder Years or something like that.

Her skills are then put to the test in real life situations. First, she puts the moves on a wealthy socialite named Alfredo Spontini at the ballet. His impetuousness leads to a rather funny sequence. Then, she balls an impotent man, named so because he is gay. In seducing him, her legend grows to the delight of Dr. Love. Rumors and stories begin to surface among the townfolk and they begin to filter up to Lawrence Layman himself. Her ultimate validation comes at a socialite party where Misty demands to see Layman in person. Misty, Layman and his wife Barbara (Gloria Leonard) share in a hot threesome where the pegging mentioned above takes place. It’s a totally over-the-top scene.

Through it all, Dr. Love has fallen for Misty, but he has now created a monster. Monsters are good at one thing and one thing only: destruction. We won’t reveal the ending, but there is a major twist that you’ll just have to see.

Let the debate rage on about what classic film is the absolute best. Whatever criteria you use, this one ranks among the all-timers. It set the bar so high that few have ever come close to matching it in all aspects. If you have not seen this one, it’s high time you did so.

Stars:   Constance Money Gary Wright Gayle Schafer Ras Kean David Chase Jacqueline Beudant Helene Simone Grover Griffith Mark Margolis Ian Morley Michael Ronds John Christopher Jamie Gillis Gloria Leonard Casey Donovan Michael Gaunt Terri Hall Marlene Willoughby Mary Stuart Crystal Sync Nancy Dare Cynthia Gardner Peter Andrews Jenny Baxter

Categories: Feature Orgies Classic 70’s Gold

Running Time:   85 minutes

Released:   02/1976

Studio Name:   VCA

Director:   Radley Metzger Henry Paris