Adult Humor

Movie Review: I Love You, You’re Fired

March 3, 2022

Are you in the mood for a lighthearted, sexually explicit romantic comedy that mixes a fun plot with hot hardcore fucking? If so, then we point you to our featured movie of the week, “I Love You, You’re Fired.” Directed by legendary porn star/director Joanna Angel, nominated for XBIZ’s Feature Movie of the Year 2022, it’s the latest release from Lust Cinema, and you couldn’t ask for a more enjoyable XXX feature.

Gorgeous Vanna Bardot plays a socially awkward project manager named Danielle who takes her employees out to celebrate the end of a successful marketing campaign. She lets the team know they’re getting big bonuses and raises. Danielle gives them company iPads, prompting Shawn (Isiah Maxwell) to take a photo of her so he can “test the camera quality.”

Brunette beauty Brooklyn Gray (looking hot with a pixie cut) and blonde babe Charlotte Sins, who are having a secret office affair, make an excuse so they can head to the bathroom for a quickie. (more…)

Featured Movie: Brides Maids XXX Porn Parody

October 7, 2011

The success of Bridesmaids was bound to inspire a porn parody, and Smash Pictures leapt at the chance with Brides Maids XXX Porn Parody. It’s remarkably faithful to the original with the obvious pornified extras. Annie (Samantha Swallows) spends a disappointing night with Ted (Anthony Rosano), who kicks her out the next morning because he doesn’t want her getting emotionally attached. Besides, he’s also fucking a married woman. Unfortunately for Annie’s ego, that day her best friend Lillian (Sarah Vandella) tells her she’s engaged. She wants Annie to be maid of honor.

Meanwhile, in contrast to the hilariously awful sex that Ted inflicted on Annie during the opening credits, he and the married woman (Katie St. Ives) have a great time. She sucks him like a candy cane, rides him actively, and lets him finger her ass. The way her pale skin reddens from his spanking is tasty. Best of all, he cums on her pussy, pushes it inside with several more thrusts, and then scoops up the load to feed it to her. Katie is barely recognizable with longer, darker hair, but she’s still a little sex bomb. Her petite body and perky tits are in top form and she has a sexy little patch of fur on her mound.

At the engagement party, Annie meets the other bridesmaids. Lillian’s cousin Rita (Kagney Linn Karter) is a desperately unhappy mother of three. Beca (April O’Neil) is a giddy newlywed. Megan (Sasha Knox), Lillian’s future sister-in-law, is a nymphomaniac tomboy. As Megan tells Annie of her recent gangbang-related injury, Lillian and fiancé Dougie (Eric Swiss) sneak off for some quality time. It’s sweeter than the usual porn sex, with Eric taking time to service her with fingers and tongue in between several contortionist-worthy positions.

Annie meets Helen and instantly sees the rich, snooty bridesmaid as her rival — and that’s before she learns that Helen is Ted’s other fuckbuddy. After the party, Annie’s so distracted by mocking Helen that her bad driving gets her pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving. Rhodes (veteran stud Jack Lawrence) is a cute Irish cop who takes a shine to Annie.

If you’ve seen Bridesmaids, then you’ll recall the bridesmaids’ dress fitting disaster. You’ll want to watch even though there’s no fucking, because the toilet humor is still hilarious.

Anxious Annie mixes downers and alcohol, resulting in the bridesmaids being kicked off their flight to Las Vegas for the bachelorette party. While everybody else is marched out, Beca and Rita lag behind to fuck right there at the deserted metal detectors. April O’Neil (Beca) is a favorite of many lesbian porn lovers and you’ll see why here. Beca’s excited to have somebody finally eat her out — something her new husband won’t do — and she’s just as eager to taste her first pussy and toy-fuck Rita.

Meanwhile, Megan shows her gratitude to the air marshal (Bill Bailey) for not shooting Annie. Sasha Knox (Megan) is an underrated performer, never breaking character while delivering the movie’s raunchiest performance. She’s a bigger girl than the others, but she has an earthy sexuality and she swallows.

Once Annie finds out Ted is fucking Helen, she goes ape shit and ends up getting uninvited from the wedding. She tracks down Officer Rhodes, looking to fuck the pain away. Rhodes takes Annie home, where he warms her up with a long tongue bath and fingering. Annie gets him ready orally and then takes a much better ride than she’s probably had in a long time, even getting anally fingered, and she enjoys a nice creamy finish.

Will Annie be reinstated as maid of honor? Will saboteur Helen get her comeuppance? Well, everybody loves a happy ending. Anybody else who might think of spoofing this story has a hard act to follow.

Stars: Sasha Knox Sara Vandella Kagney Linn Karter April O’Neil Katie St. Ives Samantha Swallows Jay Ashley Julian St. Jox Adam Wood Heidi Mayne Bill Bailey Jack Lawrence Anthony Rosano Eric Swiss
Categories: New Release Feature Adult Humor Parody High Definition
Running Time: 150 minutes
Released: 10/2011
Studio Name: Smash Pictures
Series: XXX Parody
Director: Jim Powers

Boobwatch

May 6, 2011

You don’t need to have seen “Baywatch” to like “Boobwatch,” so if you’re too young to have witnessed those famous red bathing suits barely holding in the bouncing titties of hotties including Pamela Anderson, don’t worry. This Wicked Pictures parody gives you the stuff they couldn’t show on primetime TV. Beautiful Alektra Blue leads a team of “highly skilled and extremely busty lifeguards” who resuscitate your dick.

Alektra discovers Danny Mountain and Rebeca Linares grilling hot dogs in their back yard. Danny protests that they’re nowhere near a beach, so why do they need a lifeguard? Without missing a beat, she makes clear her intention to service the not-so-weenie weenie in Danny’s pants with Rebeca’s help. Alektra and Rebeca play together very nicely as well. If you haven’t seen Rebeca in a while, just wait till you ogle the sultry Spaniard’s enhanced tits. Even better, she’s so excitable getting fucked with Alektra sitting on her face. After satisfying both brunette babes in different positions, Danny leaves their big tits juicy with his liquid DNA and they rub them together as the scene ends.

Vigilant Alektra calls Jayden Jaymes on her walkie-talkie and sends her to rescue Tommy Gunn from choking on a fly he accidentally inhaled while working out at the gym. (These scenarios get progressively sillier, as do the slow-motion-running gags.) Jayden is careful to check his airway with her tongue and resuscitate his cock with her mouth and cleavage. She brings Tommy’s dick to life so he can stuff her pussy with it. You can tell how tiny Jayden is when that thick shaft divides her pussy lips while she’s bent over the gym equipment. Jayden cums more than once in this scene and gives us plenty of hot moves to gush over. When one of the best bodies in porn meets one of the thickest dicks, the result is explosive.

You might think that when Alektra sends brunette super MILF Lisa Ann to “shark-infested waters” we might get a beach scene, but the joke continues as she interrupts Rocco Reed’s bubble bath, telling him “no body of water is safe without a lifeguard.” He can’t turn away a babe like this whose lifeguarding tactics include deep throating his cock and taking it for a spin inside her pussy. (Not literally – this isn’t the Spin on My Cock series.) Lisa and Rocco have a horny fuck in front of the bath tub, and the only thing missing is the chance to see them cleaning up in the bubble bath afterward.

Tommy Gunn is telling Dane Cross about his lifeguard encounter while Dane washes his car. They’re hundreds of miles from the beach, so Dane’s disbelief is understandable. He soon finds out the truth when natural-bodied blonde Carolyn Reese shows up to protect them from the “imminent danger” of Dane’s garden hose. She finds much more use in the hoses they keep in their pants, first sucking their cocks one after another, then filling herself up with them at both ends. Carolyn especially seems to get off on Dane.

For the last scene, Alektra surprises a sunbathing Chris Johnson by his pool. It doesn’t matter that he wasn’t going in the water, because Alektra easily convinces him he needs a lifeguard by giving him a kiss so hot it stiffens his dick, and then sucking it down. Alektra gets hers when Chris eats her out and fingers her at the same time. There’s more foreplay in this scene than in the others. When they start to fuck in reverse cowgirl, Alektra shows off some hot hip-swiveling moves, but even in missionary Alektra is an active fucker who makes sure she gets to cum. When Chris unloads on her tits, Alektra again massages the cream into her skin. Maybe it’s her secret for keeping away the wrinkles you get from being in the sun all day. What a way to end on a high note!

“Boobwatch” is one of the funniest parodies in a while. The intentional overacting, the slow-motion running, and the ridiculousness of a clairvoyant lifeguard sending her team out to save men on dry land are used to great effect. Bless those tight red one-pieces!

Stars: Alektra Blue Rebeca Linares Carolyn Reese Jayden Jaymes Lisa Ann Danny Mountain Tommy Gunn Dane Cross Chris Johnson Rocco Reed
Categories: Big Tits New Release Feature Adult Humor Parody
Running Time: 96 minutes
Released: 04/2011
Studio Name: Wicked Pictures
Director: Jonathan Morgan

Simpsons, the XXX Parody: Marge and Homer’s Sex Tape

February 25, 2011

Mainstream pop culture observers seem shocked that a “Simpsons” porn parody exists, but those of us who write about smut for a living are only surprised that it took this long. “Simpsons, the XXX Parody: Marge and Homer’s Sex Tape” was worth the wait. Every fan so inclined to watch a porn version of the show is probably most interested in seeing how they portray that blue-haired siren, Marge Simpson. You’ll be happy to know that XBIZ Female Performer of the Year Andy San Dimas is playing the part. Even if you aren’t a fan yet, you’ll be glad she was cast. Beyond the main event, there are sex scenes with other favorite Springfield characters as well.

As the movie begins, Homer (Anthony Rosano, but we see little of him because he’s usually behind the camera) trades the sex tape he and Marge made for a bag of doughnuts. The rest of the movie is a look at the illicit footage itself. Marge, posing in front of a full-length mirror with the camera behind her, feels frisky about the sexual possibilities that arise thanks to the new camcorder. Something else arises in Homer’s pants once he finally realizes Marge is telling him she wants to make a sex tape. She lets her hair down and starts to blow him, her dirty talk adding lots of excitement. Just as it’s getting hot, Homer’s attention wanders to the TV, where a McBain porno has just started playing.

After shooting the bad guy, McBain (Evan Stone) heroically lays female sidekick Nancy (Atlanta Hawks dancer turned porn star Briana Blair) on a tabletop and gives it to her just like you would want everybody’s favorite yellow action hero to do. Nancy squeals in pleasure with his manly thrusts and begs for his load on her daffodil-colored ass. When he’s done, there’s no time for cuddling because there are more Korean plutonium thieves to hunt down. Nobody in porn could have been better cast as McBain than Evan Stone.

Homer films Marge while she’s dusting and talks her into flashing some lemony ass cheek, against her better judgment – she worries that a neighbor could walk in at any minute. Sure enough, Moe (James Deen, looking better than cartoon Moe but definitely sounding the part) barges in and finds out Marge wears a magenta thong under that green dress! Moe is here to borrow the camcorder for a hot date with real estate agent Cookie Kwan (Asia Zo). Never mind that Cookie thinks she’s there to appraise his apartment, because Moe talks her into fucking him by lying that he’s actually rich and he only looks ugly because he wears a mask to hide his true good looks. Gold-digging, ambitious Cookie can’t jump his bones fast enough after that. He rubs her clit while playing with her perky tits and she gives him a hot blowjob. Then Cookie proves that not only is she number one on the west side, but also number one on her back side, front side… any side on which she takes Moe’s energetic thrusts.

At least, that is until Marge shows the other girls how it’s done. Now that she and Homer have the camera back, they can finally film their frolicking. Homer appears to eat Marge out in P.O.V. style, with the camera giving us an intimate view of her mound. If you’ve always imagined that this blue-haired babe would be a tiger in bed, you’re right. Actually, she’s a tiger on the couch, but you get the picture. Marge fucks Homer’s shaft and then wants to taste her own juices on Homer’s cock for a while before doing it doggy style. They have sex in different positions, always showing Marge to her best advantage. Andy San Dimas stays in character (and voice) the whole time, and not even a blue wig and yellow body paint can diminish her extreme beauty and sex appeal. When Homer pops, Marge proves to be a dirty girl indeed, spitting it out on his cock and licking it back up to swallow.

Director Lee Roy Myers has captured the hilarious essence of yet another pop culture institution with this first release from his self-titled studio. Everybody is well cast and the makeup is great, courtesy of talented industry makeup pro 2Ply. Josh Thomas does note-perfect voice impersonations of Homer and Barney (who we never see, but he’s helping Moe film his tryst with Cookie through a hole in the wall). This is a “Simpsons” parody that should amuse you and satisfy your curiosity.

Stars:   Andy San Dimas Asia Zo Briana Blair Eddie Adams Evan Stone James Deen Anthony Rosano Josh Thomas
Categories: New Release Feature Adult Humor Parody High Definition
Running Time: 107 minutes
Released:   01/2011
Studio Name:   Lee Roy Myers Movies
Director:   Lee Roy Myers

Pussy Talk

February 21, 2011

The study of philosophy tells us that when you define something, its opposite also becomes true. So, if there exists something called hot, there must exist the opposite of hot, or cold. If there exists fast, there must also exist slow. If there exists big, there must also exist small. You get the point.

In 1972, the film Deep Throat defined the fact that a woman’s clitoris could reside in her throat. That means that somewhere there must exist the opposite of that. But what is the opposite of a clitsophagus? Apparently it’s a blabgina. Released in 1975, Pussy Talk stars Penelope LaMour as Joelle, a woman who discovers that within her second pair of lips resides a very opinionated, very sharp-tongued entity. The main problem with this set up (as if loquacious labia weren’t bad enough) is that the entity has no filter and a poor sense of timing, which makes for all kinds of awkward social interactions. Of course, because it’s porn, they all lead to sexual encounters, which is good for the you, the viewer.

The classic scene in this one is the dinner party where Joelle’s pussy gets bored and decides to take matters into its own hands – by using Joelle’s hands on itself. There she sits, solitary, in plain view on the couch, running her finger through her hairy slit. Talk about a party foul (and possibly two if you’re opposed to hairy snatches.) As Joelle’s friskiness hogs the g-spotlight, everyone suddently stops to watch the spectacle. Her hubby Eric (Nils Hortzs) is understandably horrified and starts to doubt his ability to satisfy her.

He calls in a shrink (Ellen Earl), but Joelle’s slit siren begins talking smack to the good doctor. It’s persuasive ways lead to shock on the part of the shrink and to part of the shrink being shocked – namely with a thorough ass fucking from Eric. After that, she approaches Joelle and temporarily appeases the pompous pussy with a good licking.

From here, the film takes a decidedly strange and more sexual turn. Thanks to a press conference by the doctor, word about Joelle circulates around town and she becomes more or less a circus freak in the eyes of the general public. To escape the attention, she and Eric retreat to her childhood home where she begins to have flashbacks of her youth. Beatrice Harnois plays the young Joelle as she recounts abuse suffered at the hands of her step-father; trying to lose her virginity to her boyfriend only to give it up to a Pinocchio marionette (a must-see); fucking her high school teacher; and seducing her priest at confessional.

When a sleazy reporter (Vicky Messica) discovers her whereabouts, Joelle takes refuge at her Aunt Barbara’s (Sylvia Bourbon). However, the reporter, who desperately seeks an interview with Joelle’s pussy, pays Barbara off to get access. When Joelle recovers from her sedation, she goes home where Eric fucks the entity out of her. However, the act has a very, very strange result. As per usual, you must watch to find out what transpires. What we can tell you that it’s very wacky and it spawned a sequel.

Pussy Talk is fun and entertaining, but also very sexy. It’s one of the truly great films in all of adult cinema, not just the French side of things. It won the Grand Prize at the first and only International Porn Film Festival in Paris during the summer of 1975. Unfortunately, in an attempt to clamp down on porn, European governments levied hefty taxes on filmmakers and production houses forcing massive budget cuts. Projects that began as ambitious endeavors often ended up as back alley afterthoughts.

It’s a damn shame, really.

Stars: Penelope LaMour Sylvia Bourbon Beatrice Harnois Ellen Earl Nils Hortzs Vicky Messica Claude Dupont

Categories: Euro Feature Classic International Adult Humor 70’s Gold Parody

Running Time: 87 minutes

Released: 11/1975

Studio Name: ALPHA-FRANCE

Series: Pussy Talk

Director: Frederic Lansac

Charlie Sheen’s Porn Stars

February 9, 2011

Anyone who has followed the Charlie Sheen tabloid tales probably knows of his epic porn star party and his idea to start a “porn family.” Now, of course, studios as diverse as X Play and Smash Pictures have Sheen spoofs in the works. The porn family is now just a fading dream as Charlie is said to be drying out and getting clean, but we thought it would be fun to imagine which women would live in his sexy commune.

Ginger Lynn, Charlie’s flame from the early ’90s, wouldn’t live in the mansion, but she could drop by just to check on the girls and mentor them. After all, Ginger has been there and done that for longer than many other women in Charlie’s life. In the business on and off since the 1980s, with mainstream roles to her credit, legendary Ginger is hottest in classic features like the original “New Wave Hookers” and the best-of collection “Swedish Erotica 81.” One of the ultimate movies for her fans, “Ginger Lynn the Movie,” features the sexy blonde alongside other ’80s icons in girl-on-girl, orgy, and anal action. Ginger is still a great fuck in movies such as “White Mommas,” featuring her first interracial anal, and a cougar/kitten scene in “Mommy and Me.”

Since her night with Charlie in October 2010 took a dark turn, Capri Anderson probably wouldn’t have been invited to the porn house, nor would she have accepted. “Capricious,” the lesbian and solo movie compiled after her infamous night with Charlie to showcase her charms, illustrates why Sheen was attracted to her. Capri does girls almost exclusively, but if you’re after something heartier than the veggie plate, you can see her in early scenes from “Virgins of the Screen 6” and “Filthy’s First Taste 7.” When you see how hot Capri is with Jenna Haze in “Meow,” can you blame her for deciding she likes the lesbian scene?

Bree Olson is the most famous younger porn star to have a rumored “Ma-Sheen” escapade, but she keeps her pretty lips sealed on the subject. When reports emerged that she partied with him in Vegas on the weekend of the AVN Awards, Bree flew to Cabo. As the most famous of Charlie’s recent alleged porn hook-ups, she’s the older “sister” that the other girls might envy, but she’s so sweet that nobody could hate her. See her get kinky in the super-hot “The Surrender of O,” still one of her most popular movies. Bree has natural sexiness that shines in “The Bombshells” and the comic skills for a parody like “The A-Team XXX.” We can’t wait to see her newly toned body in “Not Bionic Woman and the Six Million Dollar Man.”

Most infamous is Kacey Jordan, the girl kicked out of the porn family for talking to the tabloids about Charlie’s 36-hour party. She’s great at lip service, you see – blowjobs are one of her specialties, and you’ll see how special in “Rocco’s Bitch Party 2,” when she gets the honor of finishing off the Italian Stallion in the second scene. Kacey earned the cover for “She Is Half My Age 4” with a gangbang that proves she’s up for anything. She made for a hot Cindy Brady in “Not the Bradys XXX: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia” and two sequels. Word has it Kacey just posed – clothed – for GQ.

Melanie Rios was rumored to be at that Charlie party with Kacey. This Colombian chica brings the spice – she’d be the porn “sister” least likely to take shit. She’s an adorable girl with a wild side. That’s her pretty face and fine ass on the cover of “Barely Legal 105,” from back when she was going by Melanie Jane. She’s also the box cover girl for “Mommy and Me,” which also stars Ginger, albeit a different scene. Melanie’s fuck partner in the film is Francesca Le, a porn legend to whom she is often favorably compared. In “Lush,” Melanie and Riley Jensen are so hot and gorgeous that they landed the box cover. We like her best of all in “Oil Overload 4,” and that brings us to the last girl in the porn family…

Auburn-haired Gigi Rivera is in the scene from “Oil Overload 4” with Melanie and stud Toni Ribas. Cute, hot Gigi announced her retirement in the last few days. If this is true, we’re sad to see her go, because her scene in “Bus Stop Girls 2” won a permanent spot in our spank bank and even her less obviously outstanding performances, like in “It’s Okay, She’s My Stepdaughter 5,” are hot. If she ever changes her mind, she’ll be welcomed back with open arms, based on the heat and industry buzz she generated in a short time. Maybe Gigi is the prodigal “daughter” of the porn family, and porn fans everywhere hope she will return.

Who’s your favorite Charlie’s angel… or devil, as the case may be?