80s

Portrait of an Affair

August 8, 2011

Starting last week, when we reviewed My Mother’s Best Friend 4, and continuing today with Anthony Spinelli’s award-winning classic, Portrait of an Affair, you might have started noticing the term “love story” cropping up in this blog lately. Have we gone mad, or have we gone soft is probably the question at the tip of everyone’s tongue right about now, and that’s okay. Rest assured, we certainly have not done the latter, though we must admit we succumbed to the former a long, long time ago.

The key thing to remember at a time like this, however, is whether or not YOU have gone soft. Our best guess is that once you see the muff dive that Nina Hartley performs on Ona Zee in Portrait of an Affair the answer will be a resounding “no” and all will be forgiven for our perceived mildness of late. In fact, it may be arguably the best female-female cunnilingus scene ever filmed. The catch is you have to watch it to find out. Gee, didn’t see that one coming did you? Thankfully, you’ll be seeing yourself doing just that once you hit “play.”

Stars: Nina Hartley Mike Horner Robert Bullock Krista Lane Richard Pacheco Ona Zee Anthony Spinelli

Categories: Feature Classic 80’s

Running Time: 45 minutes

Released: 04/2006

Studio Name: Caballero Video

Director: Anthony Spinelli

Vista Valley PTA

July 25, 2011

Remember that song Harper Valley PTA? You know … the 1968 country chart-topper sung by Jeannie C. Riley? You know … the song that inspired the 1978 motion picture and 1981 television series starring Barbara Eden? You know … the woman who played Jeannie in the I Dream of Jeannie sitcom?

Oh, you don’t. Well, that means you’re young and all of us old people are shaking our fists at you right now … well, if we still had elbow joints, that is. Despite our physical infirmities, we can assure you that the song, the television series and Barbara Eden are all classics as is this film, Vista Valley PTA, a rather loose reconstruction of the Harper Valley premise.

Directed by Anthony Spinelli and released by Cal Vista, the film centers around the blonde, lovely Jessie St. James, an educator who arrives in Vista Valley to help clean up the image of the local high school. Two of its female teachers have suffered forcible sex at the hands of students in recent months and one of the male teachers has been beaten to within an inch of his life. Why a beautiful woman such as she is sent to the frontlines to shape up a bunch of derelicts is beyond us, but it does prove to dredge up a lot of conflict, always a good thing for a porn flick because it leads to torrid sex more times than not. But she’s not the only one responsible for the great fucking.

Richard Pacheco and Dorothy Lemay are a truant couple messing around in a convertible before class. Dorothy is coerced into playing with herself by her delinquent boyfriend. Both she and he slide their fingers through her furry pussy, loosening her up enough for her to go down on the impatient Richard. The bell rings as she lowers her mouth over the head of his cock, but she quickly sucks and jerks him to orgasm.

The late, great Jamie Gillis plays a sexually repressed religious zealot who hires a hooker (Desiree West) for his enjoyment. He prefers she finger fuck herself while he sits and masturbates into a Kleenex. She’s a bit creeped out as you too will be by his performance, especially when he grabs her hair and yells at her to repent for her wickedness. Even creepier is when he goes home and bursts in on his topless daughter (Sharon Kane), yet lingers in the room while she hurries to get dressed, even feeling her up in the process. Gillis’ versatility made him one of the best in the biz.

The incredible Kay Parker and her husband, Aaron Stuart are a married couple who hate each other, though he still wants on-demand sex when he gets home from work. He bullies Kay out of her one-piece jumpsuit, releasing her stupendously large tits and full bush, then fucking her silly before spurting cum up her belly. In true selfish form, he rolls over and falls asleep leaving her to finger her gorgeous slit to orgasm.

As stellar as are those first few scenes, the real fireworks begin after St. James calls a PTA meeting to discuss the current state of the school. While she preaches the necessity for strong parenting and ethics, what transpires afterward is anything but. Jamie Gillis fills his daughter’s mouth with cum; John Leslie fucks Juliet Anderson and then her daughter, Dorothy, as mom masturbates outside the room. Then, mom and daughter hook up with mom burying her face in Dorothy’s twat; Pacheco hooks up with St. James after he reads his overtly sexual report to her; and in the last scene Leslie, Ken Scudder, Lee LeMay and John Seeman gangbang St. James under threat of running her and her hoity-toity moral code out of town on a rail.

An astonishing adult film ‘Vista Valley P.T.A.’ unflinchingly brings the sin in the suburbs to the screen with amazing realism as the students of Vista Valley High School and their parents mix it up sexually among themselves and each other! It’s a nest of sex perversion, greed and out-and-out lust. From classroom to boardrooms to bedrooms, ‘Vista Valley P.T.A.’ is simply amazing.

Stars: Dorothy LeMay Jessie St. James Kay Parker Desiree West Sharon Kane Richard Pacheco Kitty Shayne Juliet Anderson Jamie Gillis John Leslie Aaron Stuart

Categories: Classic 80’s Feature

Running Time: 85 minutes

Released: 02/1981

Studio Name: Cal Vista Classic

Director: Anthony Spinelli

Blame it on Ginger

July 18, 2011

Porn spoofs have been around forever, it’s just that they weren’t called “The Official (insert title) XXX Parody” as they are today. Much of that had to do with the fact that the characters and plots were a lot more loosely-based, almost to the point where only flecks of the original concept remained. Still, similar artwork, fonts and enough visual clues were used to hint at some connection however far-fetched.

Released by Vivid Video circa 1986, Blame it on Ginger is, more or less, a loose reworking of the 80s classic Blame it on Rio, which starred Michael Caine (remember him?) as a middle-aged business guy who gets randy with the young daughter of his best bud. Starring the incomparable Ginger Lynn, BIOJ explores the sex lives of several couples and the chaos that results after Ginger tells a little white lie to friends about her beau, Cyril (Tom Byron). She raves that he is a demon in the sack, though he’s really a clumsy, inexperienced oaf. Still, as rumors spread about the supposed stud muffin, formerly content couples begin to question the satisfaction in their own relationships.

The rest is a mad little merry-go-round of sex and seduction full of threeways, orgies, anal fingering, scintillating blowjobs and massive cumshots by an all-star cast that includes Barbara Dare, Platinum-locked Lois Ayres, and Rebecca Lynn, plus leading male mainstays Jamie Gillis Joey Silvera, Tom Byron and Peter North, all of whom went on to have successful directorial stints.

And we have Ginger to blame for it all.

Stars: Ginger Lynn Barbara Dare Lois Ayres Rebecca Lynn Peter North Joey Silvera Tom Byron Jamie Gillis

Categories: Feature Classic 80’s

Running Time: 78 minutes

Released: 01/2004

Studio Name: Vivid Entertainment

Sex Boat

June 20, 2011

Eighteen of the most beautiful girls and two of the ugliest from Penthouse, Chic and Hustler welcome you aboard the cruise of your life in Sex Boat, a true classic of adult cinema. Actually, the ugly broads are really Robert Lyon and Randy West, two industrious rubes who are horny enough and daring enough to gad about in women’s wear as they attempt to stowaway on a six-week, all-female cruise full of socialites and other high society types.

While sneaking onto the sea-bound vessel would be adventure enough for most, the fun is only starting for these two as they target and then seduce passengers and crew members while on deck, in their sleeping quarters and anywhere else they get the opportunity.

Roxanne Potts stars as the hot-as-balls captain. Jeanette James, Camilla Franklin, Eve Evans, Lynn Warlaumont and Kris Munroe are her crew. Lovely Kandy Barbour is the ship’s purser. Terry Galko, Pamela Nimo, Shirley McCracken and Andrea Parducci are passengers. And blonde babe Silvia Moser plays Laura, a precocious teen whose aunt desperately wants her to develop a bit of refinement.

With a whopping ten scenes encompassing just under 90 minutes of action, the sex really is, as the box says, “wetter than the water around it.” And now, having been fully remastered with digital sound and superior picture quality, the fucking is much clearer as well! If you’re a retro porn fan, you’ll absolutely adore this Love Boat/Bosom Buddies hybrid, along with pristine bodies free of artwork and, of course, the bountiful quantities of new wave bush.

Sex Boat is a keeper.

Stars: Roxanne Potts Kelly Nichols Jeanette James Kandi Barbour Linda Reeves Silvia Moser Dana Dennis Renee La Paz Robert Lyon Pamela Jennings Randy West Cody Nicole Cory Baby Little Oral Annie Thomas Stone Loni Sanders Kevin James Stephanie Hillary Summers Mike Ranger R.J. Reynolds Greg Michaels Copper Penny Eve Evans Terry Galko Sherrie Smith Shirley McCracken Vicky Steele Camilla Franklin Dawn Swenson Jean King Kathy Hesun Kelly Hamilton Kris Munroe Linda Wogoman Lucy Bush Lynn Warlaumont Douglas Fairbank Svetlana Sue Holland Trudy Mabsen Alan Katz Bill Owen Sam Kinney Sam Lito

Categories: Feature Classic 80’s

Running Time: 83 minutes

Released: 09/1980

Studio Name: VCX Home of the Classics

Director: David Frazer

Ginger Lynn The Movie

June 13, 2011

They don’t make movies about nobodies.

And Ginger Lynn would certainly qualify as a somebody when it comes to porn. Though her initial run of XXX film making lasted only two short years, her rise to stardom was literally less than overnight, scoring a Penthouse shoot the very day she answered an ad that was looking for models. With all-American, girl-next-door looks and blowjob skills to boot, she made quite an impression in the adult world from the get-go and her story is stuff of legend. Naturally, it makes sense that her story be preserved for all time in movie form.

Directed by Donald McRonson and released by Paradise Visuals, Ginger Lynn The Movie is a somewhat loose portrayal of Ginger’s being discovered and her meteoric rise to porn superstar. You won’t mind a bit as an all-star cast, including John Holmes, Christy Canyon, Harry Reems, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron, Jamie Gillis and others joins Ginger on set for a lust-drenched tribute to one of the best to ever bare it all.

You’ll see her bounce and buck her pelvis right into John Holmes’ face, allowing his tongue to caress her clit. Then, she lies flat on his desk and uses her legendary mouth to blow his legendary cock all inverted-like and takes a line shot of cum across her face. You’ll get to watch two hot photo shoot montages, the second a bizarre new wave kind of pairing with Harry Reems. Sensing greatness, Harry takes her under his wing, promising to help her meet the right people, right agents and show her the ropes. He begins by feeding her alcohol and showing her his rope. The two do some 69 where you get a glimpse of her expert tongue dancing on his swollen cock head. She then grabs his thick mallet and slides it into her furry muff to ride in RCG. They fuck in mish, spoon and doggie and Reems spills cum up her ass crack and onto her back. Next, it’s a romp with big titted Christy Canyon. Ginger lays waste to her extraordinary breasts and delectable slit with her overactive tongue as a young Peter North looks on. After that it’s a near skin and bones Tom Byron plowing her doggie style and cumming on her ass.

As her star grows, so does her appetite for cock. In the following scene, Marc Wallice licks and fingers Ginger’s wet pussy, while exploring her tight asshole with his index finger. All the while she busies herself sucking off David Sanders meaty totem. It’s part of an orgy scene that has much going on, but you’ll want to see Ginger completing alternating suck-offs of both Wallice and Sanders as they thrust their rods between her ribcage and armpits. Later that night, she services Jamie Gillis and Christy Canyon again in a hot threesome full of more 69 action and some RCG anal, with Ginger grinding her tiny hole on Jamie’s stiff cock. In the last scene, she finishes up her rather quick corporate climb with Peter North. As the sun caresses her naked skin outdoors, North’s tongue does the same to her pussy and rock hard love button. Once again, Canyon jumps in, but Ginger steals the thunder and the spotlight at the end, pulling his cock from Canyon’s pussy and stroking him to orgasm. She then licks the pools of white goo from Christy’s back.

Truth can sometimes be stranger than fiction but, in this case, we think you’ll appreciate the fiction this time around.

Stars: Ginger Lynn Crystal Breeze Harry Reems Marc Wallice Sheri St. Clair David Sanders Beverly Bliss Peter North Eric Edwards Tom Byron Jamie Gillis Christy Canyon John Holmes