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Mar 03 2011

Top Picks for the Weekend 03/03/11

Anally Yours…Love, Lisa Ann (Hustler)

Disappointment is a fact of life. So, when we were forced at knife point…um…asked to review an all-anal flick you could almost sense the troubles of the world melting away like powdered sugar on a funnel cake. And when we discovered that the film starred Lisa Ann, had Lisa Ann on the cover and seemed to be endorsed by Lisa Ann thanks to the rather dirty letter closing that masquerades as a title, things ticked upwards a notch or two further. Now, before you read on, go back and revisit the first sentence. Why? We don’t want you to be upset when you find out, as we did, that the amazing Lisa Ann appears only in the first scene. With all the ballyhoo about Lisa Ann all over this project, we thought she might get at least two scenes out of the deal. Sadly, it’s kind of like finding out Senator Fred Thompson doesn’t actually have a reverse mortgage or that Cy Sperling is the Hair Club for Men president, but not actually a member. Wurst of all (hang with us, you’ll get it shortly) the one scene in which she appears is an encore performance that she did in Hollywood’s Nailin’ Palin, meaning it’s nothing new. (None of the scenes are, making this a compilation-type film.) That said you should enjoy this scene whether or not you’ve seen the original. In case you forgot, Lisa does a rather smashing Sarah Palin impression and she reprises the role here. In this scene, Palin is trying to make her mark in Hollywood. Sean Michaels presents to her a sausage, which she believes represents her inner struggle. There’s inner struggle all right, but it’s just Sean Michaels trying to penetrate Lisa’s tight bung with his 11-inch pleasure pipe. Other scenes include Eve Laurence getting her hot buns crossed by Mark Ashley in a scene from Caped Crusaders #3; Amy Brooke getting overcome and cummed over by Ralph Long, Dirty Harry, Dane Cross and Otto Bauer in a scene from This Ain’t Cheaters XXX; Aubrey Adams getting it on in the john with Evan Stone in a scenario from Barely Legal Gloryholes, and sweet-assed Bella Molina, in a scene from Latina Assploitation, doing the nasty with Carlos Bazuca, who, in his tuxedo shirt and bow tie, may remind retro movie lovers of the Mark Ratner character from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. All-in-all, try not to get too disappointed because gapes, anal fingering, DPs, and plenty of great cumshots are supposed to make you happy.

Stars:   Lisa Ann Mark Ashley Otto Bauer Eve Laurence Dirty Harry Aubrey Addams Dane Cross Ralph Long Carlos Bazuca Amy Brooke Bella Mollina Evan Stone Sean Michaels

Categories: Anal Gonzo Ass-to-mouth Anilingus

Running Time:   145 minutes

Released:   08/2010

Studio Name:   Hustler

Series:   Anally Yours…

Official Friday the 13th Parody (Zero Tolerance)

Parodies are great because everything about a knock-off film can be exaggerated to the nth degree. And when directors take full advantage of their creative license the results are usually spectacular. Speaking of spectacular, Sarah Sloane plays Susie, a masseuse whose arrival at Crystal Lake Nudist Camp is supposed to be a wonderful new career opportunity. But, when local coffee shop barrista (Tabitha Stevens) and shop regular Ralph warn of a curse that hangs over the place, Susie is a little put off, but not deterred. Legend has it that some guy drowned in the lake on account of his huge penis. Because blood is thicker than water and denser, that could feasibly happen, we suppose. Whether or not his nut could ferment and spawn flesh-eating jizz, with which he uses to slay his unsuspecting victims  is a whole other ball game (pun intended). Still, when people start mysteriously disappearing in this little lake community nobody is in the mood for joking. But that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy this entertaining tribute to one of the all-time great slasher franchises in film history. An all-star cast takes you through five scenes of anal fucking, oral sex, domination, deer tick phobias and flesh-eating pop shots, but it’s “Victory Sex” that is always the best…or maybe not so much, if you know anything about the tendencies of slasher films.

Stars:   Sara Sloane Rocco Reed Asa Akira Kagney Linn Karter Carlo Carrera Brooke Lee Adams Brooklyn Lee Tabitha Stevens Mark Wood Mr. Pete Cheyne Collins Kris Slater Courtney Cummz

Categories: Feature Adult Humor Parody

Running Time:   105 minutes

Released:   10/2010

Studio Name:   Zero Tolerance

Director:   Gary Orona

My New Black Step Daddy 6 (Devils Film)

The first question we all asked ourselves when Devil’s Film released the first volume of the My New Black Step Daddy series was: what happened to the old one? Thanks to the outrageous level of insolence and disrespect shown by the girls in that film toward their new step-dads, we could only surmise that they “…Ian Curtis-ed or Kurt Cobain-ed themselves after suffering years of treachery and verbal abuse…” It’s an interesting case study because it appears that death was a better option than fucking some nubile idiot for all of eternity. So, in all that time, since the first volume, have any of these step-pops learned anything? How about the good-for-one-thing-only boner shiners? No, nobody has learned a goddam thing, which might have something to do with the fact we’re now up to volume six in this fun and rather exploratory interracial series. Tweety Valentine takes a threeway with Lucas Stone and everyone’s favorite mutton-chopped sex miser, Sledge Hammer. Redheaded Kadia Klimaxxx insists on going to a party wearing next-to-nothing. Her step-guardian has something to lay about that! In the same vein, Rosalie Ruiz tries to sneak out of her house to attend a sorority party. Her step-father, Wesley Pipes, however, is waiting for her and has some issues with her choice of outfits. No way he wants her to present herself as a slut to hormonally-charged fraternity boys. She should only be that way with him, dammit. Some spankings and a good fucking should reinforce that. Pulling up the rear is Katie Kox, but it’s her upper body that could use the extra support. She, her massive tits and her step-authority figure have just spent some quality time out on the town and now Lee Bang proposes that his cock spends some quality time in her pussy. Some people just never learn, I guess.

Stars:   Katie Kox Tweety Valentine Lucas Stone Rosalie Ruiz Kadia Klimaxxx Wesley Pipes Sledge Hammer Lee Bang

Categories: New Release Big Dick Interracial Teen All Sex Black Dicks/White Chicks

Running Time:   134 minutes

Released:   01/2011

Studio Name:   Devil’s Film Devils Film

Series:   My New Black Step Daddy