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Jan 08 2012

“A Mother’s Love” – ‘Cougar’ Porn or True Love?

Nica Noelle's "A Mother's Love"

BY NICA NOELLE

Sometimes fans ask me why I write so many “older/younger”-themed films: what is it about May-December romances that inspire me to such feverish levels of artistic expression?

With the debut of my first Hard Candy Films feature, “A Mother’s Love” (starring Vanilla Deville, Chastity Lynn, Dane Cross, Xander Corvus, Evan Stone and Zoe Voss), I thought I’d take the opportunity to analyze my passion for older/younger love stories (and, of course, older/younger sex scenes!)

This requires a bit of backstory.

I’m now in the age group of women commonly – and a bit creepily – referred to as “Cougars,” but for most of my life I preferred older men. In fact, most of my long-term relationships were with men at least a decade older – and far more successful – than I. As an inexperienced young woman, I found the age gap to be a huge turn on: older men knew so much; they’d DONE so much. They had serious, important jobs and post-graduate degrees. Instead of t-shirts and ripped jeans, they wore button up shirts and tailored suits, and some could even quote Shakespeare (from memory!). For an intellectually curious young woman with a raging libido, older men held a certain mystique I found irresistible.

I was in my mid-thirties and involved with someone who fit this “older man” fantasy to a T, when I met, completely by chance (or was it fate?) a much younger man. Though well beyond “the age of legal consent,” he was still so much younger than I, that I often referred to him as “the Boy.”

“The Boy”had reached out to me due to his interest in a topic on which I was writing a magazine article. We began emailing, and then talking on the phone, about my research and developing hypothesis.

Vanilla DeVille and Dane Cross in 'A Mother's Love"

Then, as the days went on, we began talking about other things: Our lives. Our families. Our dreams.

I didn’t stop to consider what was happening between us. Technically, he was young enough to be my son, and the notion that our friendship could trigger anything “romantic” was unthinkable to me. It was probably for that reason that I didn’t exercise the caution I would have in getting so close to a man my own age. After all, it was so innocent and charming – I was just “playing big sister” to him. At least that’s what I told myself.

But whatever the nature of our bond, we soon became inseparable.

The man I was dating was a bit unnerved by my “totally platonic — really” relationship with the young man who’d entered my life so suddenly and intensely. But as I grew ever-closer to the Boy, I couldn’t help but notice how he easily he filled the many voids within me. (No pun intended – at least not yet!) I’d never known anyone so much like me.

While my “older man” criticized my taste in architecture and home decor (something that caused me great anxiety, as I couldn’t imagine us ever decorating a home together), the Boy and I shared a love for old English manors and craftsman houses. We both loved taking walks at night and going on long, aimless drives. We could spend hours wandering in antique book stores, and discovered we often wanted to see the same movies. We even shared an interest in Czarist Russia (what were the odds?!)

As time went on, I found myself becoming less available for my “older man” so I could spend more time with the Boy, whom despite his youth and inexperience, seemed to effortlessly “get” me.

Then one winter night, as we lay on my living room floor watching DVDs, I began to drift off to sleep. After what couldn’t have been more than a moment or two, I awakened to the sensation of soft, full lips gently pressing against mine.

I sat up, and we stared at each other. My heart was beating so fast I thought he might actually hear it. Then he took my hand.

I’d never confessed as much to anyone as I did to him, in the moment of silence that followed. We stared into each other’s eyes, an internal wave of emotion and desire temporarily paralyzing us.

And then, finally, we kissed again. A real kiss.

Within seconds, we were making out on the floor like two desperate, fumbling teenagers.

We didn’t make love. I was still committed to another man, and I took sexual indiscretions seriously. But once the Boy had gone home and I began changing into my nightgown for bed, I discovered my panties were soaking wet.

I hadn’t been so intensely turned on in years. Maybe ever.

Chastity Lynn and Xander Corvus in 'A Mother's Love'

While I certainly felt deep affection for my young suitor, my wet panties told of a lust more powerful than I’d ever before experienced. I realized it was the excitement of — after months of internal struggle and obvious denial – finally tasting the “forbidden fruit” and feeling his unexpectedly powerful arms hold me while his hard cock pressed against my clothed body, that made our encounter unbearably erotic.

In ‘A Mother’s Love,’ Vanilla’s character is the quintessential Nurturing Mom: Warm, well-meaning, compassionate; protective. She doesn’t want or expect the physical attraction she feels to Dane when he returns from college. I wanted Vanilla’s every smile and glance to betray the battle between conscious mind and animal desire taking place inside her.

I handpicked Vanilla for this role because of her warmth and smoldering sexuality. She brought the tormented, vulnerable Mom to life more beautifully than I’d ever hoped.

For Dane’s character, I needed a performer who could convey the struggle of a man old enough to fall in love with his “second Mom,” but young enough to recklessly throw caution to the wind and risk everything for one night of passion with her.

Zoe Voss in 'A Mother's Love'

I tend to leave my characters’ fate a mystery when my movies fades to black. So, every once in a while a fan will write to me and ask “what I think happened” to certain characters after their final sex scene. In the case of “A Mother’s Love,” do Vanilla and Dane stay together after the explosive orgasms? Or does Vanilla return to her “age-appropriate” lover and Dane to college, with neither to speak of the encounter again?

I can’t say, or maybe it’s just that I don’t want to. Perhaps this hard-core “science girl” is, at heart, superstitious about love and doesn’t want to tempt Life (mine) to imitate Art (mine).

But I can tell you this:

It’s been almost six years since I shared that first kiss with The Boy, and he’s now, of course, very much a man. But when I awaken in his arms after a night of delicious sex and multiple orgasms, I see him across the years. To me, he’ll always be the forbidden, enchanted young man who stole a first kiss while I lay sleeping – and who still makes my panties incredibly wet.

On that note, please enjoy my first Hard Candy Films feature movie, “A Mother’s Love.” And remember to look for love in unlikely places.

– Nica Noelle